Thursday, April 20, 2006

Missionary Sex Positions

  • The Missionary position is considered the most common position. The penetrating partner is on top with direct penetration and the receiving partner is on bottom, with legs open.
  • Side entry missionary offers a variation on the missionary position with the receiving partner on their side and the penetrating partner kneels to penetrate from behind.
  • Blossoming Flower Missionary is similar to the standard missionary position, with the receiving partner is on their back, but they also spread their legs, lift their hips and arch their back. The receiving partner is literally and figuratively opening themself up to their lover, and allowing for deeper penetration.
  • Squashing of the deckchair has the receiving partner on bottom, with legs pulled up. The penetrating partner is on top and holds the receiving partner's legs.
  • The Butterfly sex position has the receiving partner lie on their back and the penetrating partner stands and lifts the receiving partner's pelvis for penetration
  • Coital alignment technique is a variant on the missionary position, with the man in the missionary position and moves slightly forward so that the base of the penis rubs the clitoris.
  • The stopperage has the sex position variation of the penetrating partner pressing the receiving partner's thighs against their chest
  • The Yawning Position has the receiving partner's legs straight up and wide apart
  • Octopus Sex Position is similar to the butterfly, with the receiving partner resting her legs on the penetrating partner's shoulders
  • Feet-on-his-shoulders has the penetrating partner kneeling and the receiving partner resting their legs on penetrating partner's shoulders

There seem to be almost limitless little variations to the classic sex positions. We open with your partner and enjoy the moment to find those positions that work best for you best.

Doggy Style Sex Positions

Here are more additions to our continuing series on sex positions. Today, we are exploring variations of the doggy style position. Many men find this one of the most exciting positions.

  • Leapfrog Sex Position has the penetrating partner inserting from behind. The receiving partner on all fours, facing down.
  • Leapfrog Variantion on the doggy sex position has the receiving partner's torso lower, also known as "face down ass up".
  • Froggy Style – variant on leapfrog position with the penetrating partner raising their own hips above those of the receiving partner for maximum penetration.
  • Upright doggy is variant on the doggy position. The receiving partner kneels upright.
  • Spread-eagle has the receiving partner laying face down, with legs spread open, while penetrating partner is on top. Also known as the spider position.
  • Spoons position has both partners lying on their same side facing in the same direction as the penetrating partner inserts from behind.
  • Reverse peace sign has the receiving partner laying face down with knees held together.
  • Inverted Missionary has the receiver laying face down on surface with legs spread/closed, and penetrating partner enters receiving partner while she/he lies on stomach (provides good stimulation of the penetrator's testicles, penetrator can reach around and stimulate the clitoris/testicles of the receiver)
  • Camel Ride/Camel-Style has the receiving partner laying on his/her side with the uppermost leg forward. The penetrating partner kneels over the receiver's leg, gaining access to either vagina or anus. Good for sex during pregnancy, or for overweight partners.

Deepen your sexual experience

Top Questions of our Time Series: Sex

Slam bam thank you Ma’am or Mr.? That’s some people’s method and it works for those who mutually agree they want a quick fix. But for most people this is not the method of choice. So, why is it that this is so prevalent? The reason for this could be that American culture is simply not accepting of sexuality in general and that is why sexuality leeks into what many consider to be ‘shadow’ areas, such as pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution. Carl Jung, one of the founding fathers of psychology, would definitely label sexuality as the shadow side of our culture. For most people who watch or visit these areas, it’s not something they discuss with their acquaintances or even their family and friends. In fact, the actual act of having sex with a person is not discussed too openly in our culture. Alfred Kinsey was one of the first and most famous people to openly discuss this cultural issue in public. Sure, sex is flashed in our faces on TV shows, movies, and advertisements, but few people actually openly discuss the act of having sex with another person.

For whatever reason that is, this is an article that is going to discuss one of the top questions of our time: What is a great way to have sex, even for those who are inhibited. I am going to explain a term, I am certain I am not the first to use it, or explain concepts like it, however, I have not seen the term before. That term is Mindful Sex. Mindful sex involves slightly slowing down in every aspect of the act of sex, from creating the setting, to the foreplay, to the actual act of sex, whatever you consider that to be. The following is the gist of it:


This part is not necessary if the act of sex is spontaneous in any given moment. If it is not spontaneous, sometimes it is a good idea to set the setting. When creating the setting, whether you are lighting candles, putting on music, or preparing special lingerie, moving slightly slower than you usually would. As you move slower begin to pay attention to your senses. If you are lighting candles, notice what you are lighting it with, is it a match, a lighter? Notice what the flame looks like, how it moves, does the candle have a smell, if so, take a moment to inhale it. If you are setting up special lingerie, take a moment to feel the lingerie. Is it made of silk? How does the silk feel? Are you spraying perfume/cologne on it? Take an extra moment to inhale that. You get the idea, with anything you are doing, move slightly slower and take a moment to pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting. You do not need to think about any of this, just notice your sensations. If you notice you are thinking about something, notice that and then simply bring your attention back to what you are sensing. By moving slightly slower you have the opportunity to do this and in return make the process more meaningful and enjoyable.

Foreplay and Sex:

Some people consider foreplay to be sex, some consider intercourse to be sex. So I am putting them together because these ideas apply to both of them. There are many aspects to foreplay and sex and different people will have different variations on what they like. The tragedy of it all is that most people, having not felt free to discuss sex in public and they have only relied on what the media has influenced them to think about how sex should be. While they’ve had sex, they have never freely explored it on their own. Some people like to start out with oils and massage, some people like to start out with kissing all over the body, while others are into more fetish areas such as acting out a fantasy of being ruled over by a dominant figure of some kind (e.g., dominatrix). As far as fetish goes, this goes as far as our imagination can take us.

As you practice Mindful Sex you will give yourself the chance to discover what it is that you really like and you will begin to feel more comfortable communicating that to whomever you are having sex with, even if that person is yourself (i.e., masturbation). Here is the gist:

As you begin to practice mindful sex, it is important to remember one thing: Whatever it is that you are doing, do it slightly slower than usual. This does not mean go in slow motion, it means just go slightly slower than you would think to go. As you move slightly slower, you give yourself the opportunity to really be there in that moment and notice things that you may not have noticed. If you are giving a massage, you get to feel how the person’s skin actually feels, is there a scent to the oil? If so, inhale it. If the oil is edible, take an extra moment to lick it and truly taste it in your mouth. Look over your partner and take a moment to take in all the little nuances of the person’s body. By slightly slowing down, you also allow yourself to relax a bit, and this not only helps in making this a richer experience, but also helps reduce anxiety if that is an issue (e.g., being overly sensitive or premature ejaculation).

You can apply this in every moment of sex that you find yourself in. For example, when you are giving oral sex, go slightly slower and notice the smell and taste involved, feel the texture of the other person, is it soft/rough? What does the person’s vagina or penis look like? As you go slightly slower you’ll find that it is not so difficult to notice these things and it will draw you deeper into the experience and give you the gift that you have not been privy to experience in the past.

Ofcourse, you can apply this to intercourse as well. No matter your gender or sexual orientation, there is often some sort of sexual intercourse involved. It is important to let your partner know that you want to go slightly slower this time in whatever way you feel comfortable communicating that. As the intercourse begins, notice the sensations you are feeling. All parts of you are experiencing sensations from your head to your penis or vagina to your feet. If you find yourself thinking about something, notice that you are thinking about something and gently bring yourself back to your sensations. If you find yourself judging your self or the other person, just notice that you are judging and gently bring yourself back to your sensations.


Paying attention to your sensations may also broaden your horizons on things you want to do. Maybe you notice that while having intercourse that you are not tasting anything so you decide to taste your partner by kissing or licking him/her. Maybe you want to smell your partner more to bring in that sensation. Maybe you open your ears and begin to hear what the sex you are having sounds like. Maybe you’re now noticing for the first time what other areas of your body are being touched during intercourse besides your penis, vagina, or nipples. You might just discover an erotic area of your body that you had not noticed before (e.g., back of the knees, toes).

Having mindful sex is simply a teaching and a suggestion. If a spontaneous act of aggressive sex comes out and it is not a slightly slowed down process, than that is Ok too. This is simply an opportunity to broaden your awareness about yourself during the act of sex and deepening the richness of your experience. Of all things we have to experiment with on this planet, this is surely one of the top. So, responsibly, go off and try this out, have fun, and broaden your horizons! You may just find that sex is a far more sensual and sacred experience than you had previously imagined

Author Info:

Elisha Goldstein is a 4th year doctoral student at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto. He is currently exploring how the cultivation of sacred moments in daily life affects well-being and stress. If you would consider participating in this invaluable study, please go to

7 Tricks for Lasting Longer in Bed. A Crash Course in Sexual Stamina

My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices, and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many 'tricks-of-the-trade' when it comes to coming.

In this article I'll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually, can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman).

If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general.

I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner's, sexual experiences.


1. Relax and increase your body awareness

There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to 'feel' your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, meditation and breathing techniques.

Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it.

Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as "sensate focus exercises" which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex 'coach'.

2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.

Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a 'plan' robs you of any ability to be open minded.

You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look.

Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.

3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.

Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery.

Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.

4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.

There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable.

This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally.

Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.

5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.

As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to 'play' with it.

Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them.

Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people's experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.

6. Become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.

Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand.

Let the arousal continue as if it didn't need to end ever. It will of course, but you don't care when ... just let it happen.

7. Stop thinking

Drop your conscious mind out of the picture. Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up.

Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it ... but in your body. Feel it!

THE KEY is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings.

Here's a bonus tricky tip for you. It's also the most important one.

8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.

By the way, if some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it's because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops.

I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure.


Author Info: Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in Phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. Visit to download free audio files or purchase her e-book on overcoming premature ejaculation.

A Tantric Perspective on Premature Ejaculation

Part 1 of a Radio Interview with Mukee Okan.

Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan

(Mukee Okan, acclaimed sexual healer and champion of sexual fulfillment is interviewed about her work curing premature ejaculation.)

D: Welcome. I'm Dr. Jeanette Case, and we're going to be talking tonight with Mukee Okan.

Mukee describes herself as a transformation agent and mentor to all dedicated to enhancing their intimate relationships and experiencing their sexual energy as a whole new level of positive experience.

Her focus is sex for more pleasure, creativity, energy, and abundance in your life every day. Originally from Australia, Mukee is a Sacred Sexuality teacher.

Her foundation is Tantra, a philosophy that encourages an acceptance of sex as natural and life affirming. She is also highly trained as a sexual surrogate partner therapist in the Western medical model.

Mukee has guided many individuals and couples for many years in simple ways to have more balance, happiness and fulfillment in their sex lives.

She claims that she can guide any man to transform premature ejaculation forever, so that you can last longer every single time. She says this is essential to a better sex life. So welcome, Mukee.

M: Thank you, Jeanette.

D: Let's go ahead and get started with some of these questions. You know, tell me about the basis of the claim that you make that you can help someone overcome the problem of premature ejaculation, especially since you're a woman.

M: Well, as you know, I'm absolutely dedicated to the upliftment of the sexual well-being of humanity - that is my work -and so the most frequent sexual concern that I'm asked to help with is premature ejaculation.

So all of the techniques that I teach, the controlling premature ejaculation and lasting longer, now I've been using them very successfully with male clients for at least the last ten years. So I know they work.

D: Well now, why is there such a focus on lasting longer?

M: Well, to focus on lasting longer, we really need to look at a bigger perspective. So that would involve seeing that sexual energy is our life force energy.

You know, it's not just a stress release thing, you know, when we have sex with our partner. There is a much bigger perspective.

So it's the same energy that makes everything possible that's in existence, from the sun and the planets and the oceans to human beings and the plants and the animals; the driving force is our sexual energy. So that in a way is our will to live.

And so the birthright of every human being is to fully experience their infinite capacity for pleasure, for orgasm and for intimacy. And so number one, most people don't realize that your sexual energy is for your health.

Your health physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. So when a man learns how to increase his capacity to first of all experience pleasure by lasting longer, they're able to experience longer periods of arousal and his sex life has a totally different quality.

So rather than just being a stress release mechanism, it can become a rich, fulfilling experience for a man, and his partner of course.

D: Wow, that just puts a totally new light on it. So now why do men experience premature ejaculation?

M: I would say the number one reason that men experience it is anxiety of, "Oh my god, it's gonna happen again," or simply being totally back in the past and stressed out and in a state of tension because that is what happens near pretty much all of the time or all of the time.

And so in a way the cause of premature ejaculation, or why men experience it, is psychological. It's to do with the way that they're thinking, rather than being present in their body.

And I'd actually like to define what premature ejaculation is, because a lot of men ask me, "Well, my natural sexual response, you know, I seem to come very very quickly.Is that normal? How long should it be?"

And so really the definition of premature ejaculation is an inability to delay ejaculation to the point where it's mutually desirable for both partners.

And so you see the definition is quite subjective. So you can't put, you know, a timed thing on what premature ejaculation is. The crucial thing is that if a man and his partner is satisfied with their sexual interaction or not.

And so, when we go back to the psychological causes of why a man might experience that, let's look first of all at anxiety and concern, usually about sexual performance.

So a man might have incredible anxiety about pleasing his partner, he might have so much tension in his body that he's not even really aware of the sensations in his body.

So that seems to be one of the key things that happens for a man who's experiencing sex like this.

D: Well now, is there anything that a man can do to change all of this?

M: There is a lot that a man can do to change this, and really the basis of what I've found that works over and over again for a man is to be able to experience more relaxation.

Simple relaxation and letting go of any kind of outcome or specific outcome of what it should look like and what's meant to happen and how long he's meant to last for.

And so there are two key pieces, but also when you look at the bigger perspective again, if a man can reframe sex as a natural healing act, that can change his entire outlook on letting go of the performance and what it should look like.

Then another key piece is actually educating himself about his body first of all, and then obviously about his partner's.

But the more that a man learns about his own physical body and his own sexual response as intimately as he can, then he's naturally going to have a lot more confidence in how he has his sex life.

(In Part 2 of this interview Mukee Okan describes what steps a woman can take to help her partner last longer in bed. She also describes some straightforward techniques for a man to practice in order to delay ejaculation.)

Author Info: Mukee Okan's mission is to educate and inspire sexual freedom, so people can open and surrender to self-love and self-awareness and experience full presence and intimate connection. Receive the rest of this interview and other inspirational sex tips by signing up at

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Cunnilingus for Morons: How to Eat Pussy Like a Pro

I remember the first time I went down on a girl: I was only a teenager and that first experience nearly put me off for life. But it's like oysters and beer - an acquired taste.

The young lady in question had just given me my first blowjob - an unmitigated disaster if ever there was one. The jizz was outta the bottle before those hot lips and tongue got anywhere near the target. She insisted I return the favour: the fact that she hadn't really done anything counted for nothing. I had to do it, or all our friends were going to know I was a dud. So, down I went. My God! I don't think the girl had washed her cunt for ages, it was hairy as bear (this is over twenty years ago, mind). I had no idea where to lick, what a clit was or anything. The fumes were shocking, but I stuck my tongue somewhere (I think a little too close to the piss hole!), she groaned a bit, I licked some more, and thankfully she put an end to the ordeal fairly quickly.

Now it's a different kettle of fish (so to speak). Women today tend to shave, wax or at least trim their cunny jungles, so that's a blessing. With the hair removed, that whole hole area is so much more hygienic and a lovely place to be.

The first thing to do is throw away all ideas about technique. Just get your mouth down there and go for it. If you have any instincts at all, the rest will come to you. But to do a good job of it (and this makes most women come, believe me), try this.

Firstly, once you have become used to the notion, and you start to enjoy the flavour and aroma of an aroused, clean vagina, you can employ some fancy-pants methodology. Go slow. Lick gently around her outer lips, then the inner lips. Leave her clit alone for a minute as she will enjoy the agonising ecstasy of waiting for the intense feeling that tongue-on-clit massage produces. Insert a finger gently as you are doing this gentle licking. As she rocks her hips, take this as a signal to be a little firmer. Also, don't be afraid to nibble her cunt lips with your teeth.

When you do get to the clit, roll your tongue around in a circular motion. A trick a friend told me works wonders at this point: trace the alphabet all around her vulva, concentrating on her clitoris every fourth or fifth letter. Unless she has a pussy that reads Braille, she won't know that you are specifically employing a tactic. She'll just imagine you are a virtuoso cunnilinguist.

The most important thing is to listen for signals from her. Even better, before you start tell hr you want to know if you are doing things the way she wants, or if you are missing the bits she likes. Ask her to say "Yes, baby", or whatever you agree on for the good stuff, and something like "Not quite, baby" if you stuff up. The second one, if said gently, cannot be taken as criticism - just guidance.

When you get really good at sucking pussy, she will do anything for you. Get her to come first - her clit will be swollen and you will make her come more easily from straight fucking. Be sure to grind your pelvis into her clit, and it won't matter whether you have the tiniest cock in the world - she'll come for you, and she'll love you! And, here's the big pay off: once you get really good at licking her beautiful little mouse's ear, she will have fewer excuses for not sucking your dick. Give her good head, and you will get good head in return.

Finally, the best way to success on the path to being a top-flight pussy eater is to practise at every opportunity you get.

As one lesbian said to another - if you can't join 'em, lick 'em.

Which reminds me: another great way to learn is to watch lesbian porn. I know they aren't real lesbians (usually), but they aren't going to suck cunt badly on purpose, are they? You can be sure, girls know what girls like. To be doubly sure, get a movie that has been directed by a woman - it will have less anal and more vaginal sex in it.

Cam Langdon,

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Talking Dirty

The Genetic Effect
Like women are born with certain stereotypical characteristics to understand and feel with their hearts, men are made with certain stereotypical characteristics as well. One of them refers to the fact that they are most likely to talk dirty. From abuses to sexually explicit and erotic talks, men are known to enjoy this and much more. Women have over a period of time understood this fact and have grown to make this a part of their foreplay features. Many sex therapists believe that good communication is the key to a great sex life, its also at times the reverse when used in moderation, that brings about great results.

Like with all kinds of communication, communicating what you like and dislike with your partner can be as important as talking dirty. Once you’ve decided on your particular comfort zones for sexual gratification, you also need to get in variation of sorts. Some of this variation comes with fitness, some with losing weight, stretching and some with talking dirty. On your path to great sex and while treading carefully on the passage of foreplay, is also indicative of the words that you speak, a harsh word here and a strong one there and down goes all your effort of luring yourself and your partner in a roll of hay a total waste!

Sometimes, however, talking about your sexual fantasies may help you gain better understanding of your spouse and get the both of you in the mood so as to speak. In a way both these kinds of communication in the sexual context is considered good for the both of you. The theory of wild sex also hinders around the same. While love bites and nail marks can spill the ecstasy in making love so can words.

Although women have been known to be rather uncomfortable with obscene words, its considered to be an added advantage for them during sex. Today men and women are equally comfortable in being obscene in bed. In fact most sex therapists have had men and women wanting for more as dirty talk enhances the sexual process ensuring an orgasmic effect. Obscene words enhance the sexual flush before intercourse, building up the heat and making room for an ecstatic ride for love making. The sex chats and sex talks on the phone are proof of obscenity being successful. In marriage too, there are variations to the way you want to prove your point.

Assuming a situation wherein you want to simply "do it", would be a boring way to put it across. If you had to announce the words, "I want to screw you", well then, that may be a better way to dash to the mattress. And if you thought that mentioning to your wife or husband, (whichever be the case) you would get her flush into the sexual rage, then be sure you don’t tell her that you wanna have a "sexual intercourse" with her, she’ll probably tell you to get married to your medical books rather than she spend her best years with you. In short, if you’re planning a great night or the day whichever one you may choose, do away with clinical terms to fire up the excitement.

Especially in a darkly lit environment, talking dirty can raise temperatures no other sexual toy or vibrator ever could. Words are often powered with touch, while making a head way for great sex. Novels and books on talking dirty is stimulating enough for one to make a headway back to the bed. Phrases like "I moved her lawn", " she had me all over her breasts", are words that have the best effect if you’re seeking true variations in your mundane sex life. Marriages thrive on understanding, especially sexual understanding.

More often than not, if you don’t spice up your life, its quite possible for you to get weary of your man, or wife for that matter, if you want to boost you immune system through good sex. Talking about things is one of the many factors that can help you get back your life on track. In conclusion, your English Literature teacher was right, language really does matter!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

No Quick Sex, Please, We're British

Britain leads the world in delayed action in bed, it was revealed yesterday.

A survey produced by condom maker Durex - who else? - shows that we spend 22.5 minutes in foreplay, 36 seconds ahead of the German runners-up and more than three minutes more than the so-called sexy French.

Bottom of the world league are the Thais, who get the preliminaries over in a mere 11.5 minutes (perhaps it's the heat) and would probably urge the Brits to get on with it.

At this stage you have to ask how these measurements were made in 41 countries: lovers with stopwatches? Discreet researchers with clipboards? Egg timers?

The Durex report does not explain. But it makes clear that 350,000 people replied to its global sex survey.

Britons come third in the vibrator league (almost half of us own one) but have sex a mere 119 times a year, way behind the French, who manage it 137 times (probably because they spend only 19 minutes in foreplay).

Sad to say, we are well down the orgasms table. The Italians are champions, with 61% saying they have an orgasm every time they have sex. The Serbians and Montenegrins are panting not far behind but only 19% of Chinese hit the jackpot every time and more than one in 10 of them have never had an orgasm.

But the Chinese compensate by sleeping around a bit: they say they have an average of 19.3 sexual partners each, compared with the more restrained Vietnamese, who have two and a half each.

A quarter of those surveyed confessed to faking an orgasm in the previous year. But 82% of Macedonians and Serbs/Montenegrins bragged that they did not need to.

The survey shows that 35% of the 350,000 watched porn with their partners, 22% donned blindfolds or handcuffs and one in five used sex toys. Women are keener on porn than men, and are more likely to reach for the blindfolds and cuffs.

Icelanders are the quickest to sample the pleasures of the flesh and have sex for the first time at an average age of 15.7. Perhaps it's the cold. The Vietnamese don't get round to it till they are nearly 20.

Sixty-four per cent of Swedes and Danes have had unprotected sex without knowing their partner's sexual history.

The survey does not suggest what percentage of respondents may have lied.

Love Better

The most interesting thing is that the very first aphrodisiac was produced from the human body itself. The pheromones, as we know them now, were the first signals for maturity of the body and hence readiness for sexual activity. Even as animals do till now, the earliest humans would identify a potential mate and his or her readiness and willingness. This order ruled till mankind started developing a culture and thereafter, the natural processes became more complicated. In fact, human body scents were far more significant in the process of reproduction before artificial perfumes like soaps, fragrances and shower gels came along. And much more effective too, it would seem. Today we have all but forgotten to use the natural smells of our body, more so because of the social taboos. Today we do know the power of the pheromones, but rarely use it.

There isn’t really much research done on human sexuality, and the biggest reason is the discomfort that sciences and scientists feel while dealing with any subject involving sex and sexual functions. It is absurd, but true. Besides, the field of human sexuality is made more complex by the involvement of scientifically unexplainable things like emotions, love, attraction and …chocolates. Most of the knowledge obtained is from research on animals, not humans.

An aphrodisiac, as we use the term today, is something that inspires lust, not meant to cure impotence or infertility. Very recently have we learnt that sexual dysfunction is a medical condition. Any lack of lust, potency, or fertility would have a common cure in an aphrodisiac.

Though the eastern cultures were in the forefront of the history of aphrodisiacs, the non-scientific evidence and knowledge about aphrodisiacs has existed for thousands of years in various societies. Some of it is true and some of it isn’t. And there’s no way to know, since science and sex have never been compatible partners.

Aphrodisiacs come in a surprising number of forms including animal, plant, food, and chemical substances, most with no scientific basis other than in folklore, anecdotal evidence, and common knowledge. Research conducted on ginseng, green oats, mauri, yohimbe, viagra, and other substances suggests a strong link between these substances and heightened sexual response.

Would you believe that oysters, potatoes, skink flesh, and sparrow brains were all once considered aphrodisiacs? In Europe, up to the eighteenth century, many recipes were based on the theories of the Roman physician Galen, who wrote that foods worked as aphrodisiacs if they were ‘warm and moist’ and also ‘windy’, meaning they produced flatulence. Spices, mainly pepper, were important in aphrodisiac recipes. And because they were reckoned to have these qualities, carrots, asparagus, anise, mustard, nettles, and sweet peas were commonly considered aphrodisiacs.

Mandrake root was eaten as an aphrodisiac as well as a cure for female infertility, because the forked root resembled a woman's thighs. Similarly, oysters looked like female genitals. Parts of the skink, a kind of lizard, were thought to be an aphrodisiac for centuries. Potatoes, both sweet and white, were once known as an aphrodisiac in Europe, probably because they were a rare delicacy when they were first transplanted from the Americas.

The ancient Greeks thought sparrows were especially lustful. Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love (from whose name, of course, ‘aphrodisiac’ is derived) was supposed to have held sparrows sacred. Because of the association with Aphrodite, Europeans were inclined to eat sparrows, particularly their brains, as aphrodisiacs.

St Thomas Aquinas, a 13th-century friar, thought aphrodisiac foods had to produce ‘vital spirit’ and provide good nutrition. So meat and wine, considered to produce the ‘vital spirit’, were aphrodisiacs. While a little alcohol can lower inhibitions and get you in the mood, overindulgence can have the opposite effect on performance. "It increases the desire but it takes away the performance" comes from Macbeth.

In more recent times, Paola Sandroni, MD, a neurologist at the Mayo Clinic studied the scientific evidence on many supposed aphrodisiacs, and published her findings in the journal Clinical Autonomic Research. She said that to call coffee or anything that contains caffeine an aphrodisiac would be misleading. "I think the effect is much more general," she says. In the same way, cocaine and amphetamines may seem to be aphrodisiacs because they stimulate the central nervous system, but they have no specific effects on sexual desire.

Sandroni also looked at ambergris, which comes from the guts of whales and is used in perfumes. Some consider ambergris an aphrodisiac and there is evidence to support this notion. In animal studies, it increased levels of testosterone in the blood, which is essential to the male sex drive, and is thought to play a part in women's libido as well.

The most well known aphrodisiac is the fabled Spanish fly. Its active ingredient is the chemical cantharidin, which irritates genital membranes. It also causes kidney malfunction or gastrointestinal hemorrhages in people who ingest too much. A quick Internet search is all it takes to find some for sale.

Most over-the-counter aphrodisiacs are generally reliable to use in moderation. Fortunately, humans are born with the greatest aphrodisiac known to exist. The human brain is more potent than the strongest drug and more powerful than any known aphrodisiac. The human sexual organs pale in the shadow of the brain’s creativity. No matter how powerful or potent the aphrodisiac, the experience will always be less than it could be without a meeting of the minds and hearts of the partners involved, in any type of sexual experience.

As The Roman poet Ovid wrote in The Art of Love, "Prescribe no more my muse, nor medicines give / Beauty and youth need no provocative."

When Sex Got Boring

'Let's talk about sex,' is the slogan for the new film about Alfred Kinsey, and in his time that was a pretty heroic thing to do. The man who helped to convince the western world that masturbation is not unnatural and homosexuality not a sin had to struggle against forces of conservatism and intolerance every day of his life; his determination to take them on was what made him something of a hero. But the film also reminds us that his times are not our times.

Because Kinsey lived in an age that could be straightforwardly optimistic about the rewards offered by sexual frankness. He believed that there was no sexual problem that could not be solved by more and more and more information. His mammoth work, resting on interviews with thousands of individuals, epitomised the idea that frank talk is infinitely valuable when it comes to sex. And not just talk - his vast archive of information also contained explicit pictures and film of people having sex and masturbating. Pictures and film that his friends and colleagues were sometimes bullied into providing, for the sake of breaking through the intolerance and prudishness of his era by showing, for instance, whether men squirted or dribbled when they ejaculated.

What Kinsey could not have foreseen is how, once society had changed, the joyful urgency of that movement towards greater explicitness would dissipate. The recent shift in the way that people feel about the pure value of sexual display is not just evidence of a new moral conservatism. In a culture where every kind of sexual behav iour is on view all the time - if not in your newspaper or on your television channel, then a click of a mouse button away - even liberals of the sort who would once have flocked to give their testimony to Kinsey and listen to the testimony of others are tired of feeling like voyeurs.

This is not because we want any return to the old ways of shame and intolerance, but because explicitness has become such a dead end. Every kind of sexual behaviour is so excessively documented and, rather than opening out the possibility of new worlds, that reduces the excitement of discovery. We live in a completely changed world from the 1940s, and now the decision to spend one's life documenting other people's sex histories would not be heroic but utterly banal. For the first time in human history, it is easy for people to watch strangers having sex, to hear strangers talking about sex, to discuss their own sexual behaviour with strangers.

When artists today put their faith in the power of pure explicitness to convey the flavour of desire, they end up with something altogether underwhelming. Nine Songs, which is released this Friday, is the most explicit British film ever to be shown in mainstream cinema. It is Kinsey-esque in its unsmiling celebration of "sex reduced to its physiological functions" (as Liam Neeson puts it in the Kinsey movie).

The director of Nine Songs, Michael Winterbottom, seems to believe that he is making a moral point by allowing us to watch people engaged in real sex on screen. As Winterbottom has said: "Part of the point of making the film was to say, 'What's wrong with showing sex?'"

He laments the coyness of other cinematic treatments of sex. "Cinema has been extremely conservative and prudish," he says. Perhaps Winterbottom has never noticed the growth of the internet and the porn video. The reality is that Nine Songs, with its terribly serious desire to show us everything and turn away from nothing, is not going to usher in an era of more explicit treatment of sexuality in mainstream cinema. Although there is this small genre of film-making - Nine Songs belongs to a category inhabited by a few other films, such as Intimacy, Romance and Baise-Moi - whose unique selling point is showing real sex, it has become a collection of curiosities rather than part of a mainstream movement.

Now that we live in a time where display is so inescapable and everything is out there, artists who really want to get the viewer to taste and feel the power of fictional desire are usually choosing to show very little. Rather than falling into the blandness of a purely physical take on sex - and for all its explicitness Nine Songs is infinitely forgettable and under-characterised - the unexpected truth about the art of this new century is that the cinematic depictions of sexual desire that are most intriguing and memorable are not at all explicit.

Although intimate sex scenes still pop up in mainstream cinema, they are usually there for comic rather than sensual effect: in Sideways, for example, it is the creep's relationship that gets pictured with heaving buttocks and groans, and the hero's one where the camera only goes as far as the bedroom door. In recent years films as different as Closer, Before Sunset, Lost in Translation or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind have powerfully explored desire through conversation, reminiscence and suggestion rather than thrust and counterthrust. When everything has been said and everything has been shown, being explicit is simply too easy; being sexy is the difficult thing.

Men, Women, and Sex

During my many years of counseling couples, I have frequently worked with the sexual problems that often occur in committed relationships. The most common complaint from men regarding sex is frequency, and the most common complaint from woman is lack of emotional intimacy.

There is a very good reason why these are the most common complaints – men and women are very different when it comes to sex!

The biological sexual drive, or lack of it, relates to how much testosterone is present. Men biologically have much more testosterone than women. Men’s biology equips them to be ready for sex most of the time, which is nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species. Women, on the other hand, often do not experience a biological sexual drive unless they are in the middle of their menstrual cycle. This fact can create a big problem in relationships.

I’ve often heard men complain that:

"It’s not fair. My wife is in control of our sex life. If she wants it, then we have it. If she doesn’t, then I have no say about it. Why does it always have to be her way?"

"My wife complains that she needs to feel intimate before we make love, but I get to intimacy through making love."

"I don’t reach out for sex much anymore because I’m tired of being rejected, but my wife says she wants to be pursued in a romantic way. This feels like a no-win to me."

"I think if my wife really cared about me and my needs, she would have sex with me even when she wasn’t turned on."

I’ve often heard women complain that:

"He always seems to be ready for sex, but I don’t feel turned on unless we are feeling close. I can’t just watch TV all evening and then feel like making love."

"I often feel pulled on for sex, as if having sex is more important than caring about me. When I do what he wants, I feel used, and when I don’t, I run into his anger, resentment, blame or withdrawal. It feels like a no-win."

"My husband often comes to me like a needy little boy, wanting me to pacify him or validate him with sex. Ugh! There is nothing erotic about an insecure, needy little boy!"

"There must be something wrong with me. I just don’t ever feel turned on anymore."

The very real issue here, at least for most men under 40, is that they are biologically motivated and women are mostly emotionally motivated. Heterosexual women get turned on when their man is warm, open, caring, and personally powerful. Most women are not turned on by a man who is closed, distant, angry, blaming, or needy.

The problems of frequency can get resolved as men and women learn to understand and accept each other’s differences. Men need to understand and accept that women are not as biologically motivated as men are. Many women rarely even think about sex, while most men will tell you that they think about sex frequently throughout the day. When men understand that women are turned on by love, romance, emotional intimacy, warmth, caring, and personal power, then men may be motivated to learn to be the loving, powerful and romantic partners that women want and need.

When women can accept that men’s biology is very present for them, they can stop putting men down for it and start supporting their men in creating more emotional intimacy, romance, and personal power. When women criticize men instead of understanding and accepting them, they help to create some of the insecurity that is such a turn off to many women. When a woman can appreciate rather than demean her man for his sexuality, she can find ways of meeting his needs without feeling used.

Understanding and accepting each other’s differences and needs can lead both men and women toward more satisfying sex lives.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or email her at Phone Sessions Available.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Marriage & Infidelity: Cheating Spouses Can't Hide Their Extramarital Affairs From The Truth

We all lie. A world without little white lies would be uncivilized. But 99% of us have told bigger lies in our lifespan. For most of us, lies told in our personal life makes us feel bad. However, we still continue to lie and cheat.

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity, which can reduce a marriage to rubble, shatter trust and create a breeding ground for insecurity, mistrust and resentment. Most of us have witnessed affairs among people we know, and some of us even have had affairs ourselves. This kind of thing happens in the real world, and it happens all the time. One third of all married couples admit to having cheated on their mates. Let's not be naïve. That's quite a large number of people taking risks!

Affairs begin with two people who find each other interesting and attractive. For whatever reason, the relationship escalates into romance and, finally, into sexual intimacy. People who seek romance and sexual intimacy outside of their primary relationship feel that their relationship is missing something, so they go out and they seek it from someone else.

If you feel deep in your heart, that your spouse is lying and being unfaithful to you, here are some ways to be sure. One of the techniques professionals use to tell who is lying, and who is telling the truth is to follow eye movements. Neuro-Linguistic Programming says that when people are constructing imaginary or fantasy images we look up and to the left if we are right-handed and up and to the right if we are left-handed. Think, "What color is my Mom’s hair?" Where did your eyes go? Now think, "I’m an astronaut and when I went to the moon I made a snow-man out of moon dust." Where did your eyes go this time?

In the book, Telling Lies by lie-catcher Paul Ekman, he presents his 'facial action coding system.' These are the facial expressions we all use that are hard-wired to the brain and will show up without our conscious control. Charles Bond, a psychologist at Texas Christian University reported that among 2,520 adults surveyed in 6.3 countries, more than 70% believe that liars tend to avert their gazes and/or stutter, touch, or scratch themselves or tell longer stories than usual.

If you’re spouse is working too many late nights, think about this next time you ask them what their plans are for the night.

Although, there has been some research lately that says this analysis is too simplistic to be counted upon, detectives continue to use it along with other tools. There was a story in Outside Magazine about a detective involved in an investigation of a poaching in a national park. He claimed he could tell within one minute if someone was lying. I got very excited and tracked him down to a sub-station in Wyoming. He said that he teaches his skills to trainees in one hour but he wouldn’t tell me what they were. Maybe he thought I was a secret poacher (which is hard to be in Santa Barbara)

Here are some other ways to tell if your partner or spouse is lying and having an extramarital affair:

If their answer to your question is brief, clear, and direct, that is a good sign that it is true.

Liars start to elaborate and repeat themselves and sometimes their story or the details change.

The more a liar tries, the more you need to worry.

An extramarital affair takes a great deal of energy. The lying, sneaking around, and destroying of evidence all take tremendous amounts of energy. The onset of guilty feelings about having the affair, in the first place, further zaps whatever energy the partner having the affair might still have left. And, guess what all this used energy is a complete waste, because liars cannot control the ‘leakage’ of their true feelings, which run in micro-expressions that last half a second. It is so ordinary, so much a part of our everyday lives and everyday conversations that we hardly notice it.

Article Source:

Wendy Allen, Ph.D., is an expert on marriage and infidelity. She will help you move through the normal but mind blowing phases of discovery, betrayal and loss. You can't go back to the way things were, but you can move forward and capture the good moments in life again. Check out for a FREE AUDIO DOWNLOAD filled with tips to help you get through this difficult time.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Exercises for Better Sex

Sex is a physical activity so naturally getting and keeping fit will greatly improve your love-making skills. Here are some exercises for better sex.

The pubococcygeal (PC) muscles
The muscles you use to stop urinating midstream are called the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles. If you're male they’re also the muscles that contract when you ejaculate. You can learn to build control over them and prolong ejaculation by doing an exercise called a Kegel. Start by doing a short clench of your PC muscles, relax, and then try to do a longer clench for about 10 to 15 seconds. Repeat ten times, at least three times a day. The more you do the better control you will have.

Kegel exercises are good for women to do as well. By practicing them you will have more control over your vaginal muscles. You'll get more sexual satisfaction and a reduced chance of vaginal infections.

Pelvic lifts
Lie down on your back with your knees bent and your hands by your side. Lift your pelvis up and down as if you were having sexual intercourse. This is a great exercise for the doggy-style position. It's also my favorite exercise for better sex.

Lie down on your stomach with your hands parallel to your shoulders. Push up with your hands until your arms are straight and your chest and knees are off the ground. Then lower your body so it almost touches the ground. Repeat ten to twenty times.

Lie down on your back with your knees bent. Cross your feet together and lift them off the ground so that they are parallel to the floor. With your hands on the back of your head or crossed against your chest lift your chest off the ground using your stomach. Be sure to focus on a spot on the ceiling to avoid straining your neck. Do three sets of twenty each.

Lie down on your back with your knees bent. Place your hands on the top of your thighs and slide them to the top of your knees, lifting your chest off the ground and using your stomach muscles. Slide your hands back down to your thighs. Do three sets of twenty each. Again, be sure to focus on a spot on the ceiling to avoid straining your neck

Lie down on your back with your knees bent and legs apart. With your hands in a prayer position push them through your legs, lifting your chest off the ground and using your stomach muscles. Do three sets of twenty each.

Do push-ups and stomach exercises to strengthen your shoulder, back and abdominal muscles. You won’t tire as easy when you’re making love.

About the Author
Kevin Davies is author of the "The Eros Hummingbird" eBook. In this eBook you'll learn essential information about the female G-spot and a new sexual technique that will give your lover the most intense orgasms she has ever had. To buy "The Eros Hummingbird" please visit

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sexual Health

Sex isn’t just good, it’s good for you! Mounting evidence suggest that sex keeps us healthy, the more you have it the better off you are. It’s a proven fact that healthy people have more sex, some of the potential benefits of sex are-

1. Sex is anti depression and anti stress; release of orgasm provides instant relief and provides excellent sleep. A recent survey reveals that people using condom during sex display more signs of depression than those having skin to skin sex.
2. Orgasm is as powerful pain killer as any prescribed drugs.
3. A recent study reveals that women who have oral sex and swallow sperm have lower chances of high blood pressure.
4. Sex helps protection against stroke.
5. Frequent ejaculation decreases the risk of prostrate cancer; it doesn’t matter how you reach the climax (masturbation or sex).
6. Sex is a helping hand in healing wounds faster.
7. Sex is a form of exercise and like all exercises it helps you burn calories.

All sexual dysfunction have medical cause so don’t feel humiliated while discussing sexual failure with your doctor. Diabetes, liver or kidney disease, drug abuse, smoking and excessive alcohol can lead to erectile dysfunction. Share your problem openly with the doctor, he will guide you and tell you about the recommended prescription drugs. Don’t get strangled into myths related to erectile dysfunction, don’t feel yourself incomplete. Online prescription drugs like Levitra Cialis and Viagra can help your cause.

Levitra Vardenafil (Levitra) is the second oral medicine approved by the Food & Drug Association of USA for the treatment of erectile dysfunction in men. The effectiveness of Levitra is proved with the tests that doctors have undertaken which said that Levitra was significantly better in improving men's ability to achieve and maintain erections in all age categories (less than 45, 45-65,and greater than 65 years of age) and in all races. To know more about Levitra visit:

Cialis: If you want to convert a tender moment into a right moment cialis will definitely help your cause. It is a proven ED tablet; it is effective as well as fast. Discuss your health status with your doctor and if you feel that it is the proper time check out the 36- hour Cialis.

Viagra: “An empty nest is a chance to fall in love all over again”. Viagra helps you achieve hard erection, it maintains erection during sex, and it’s safe as well as fast. Since reading the Sunday paper doesn’t take whole day so just go for Viagra.

Hearten your sexual instinct, feel sexcited, gain sexperience, convert your Sundays into fun days because there isn’t a surrogate for sex.

About the author:
For more information about Levitra and Erectile Dysfunction please visit:
Jessica Taylor
An Internet Researcher