Monday, November 06, 2006

The Biggest Mistakes Women Make During Sex with Men

Compiled from a lot of emails over the years asking for help with relationship issues in general, and sex in particular, we've compiled this list of the gravest errors women can make when it comes to getting down 'n' dirty with their menfolk!

1 Behaving like he's a mind reader - or dropping "clues" about what you want

This is a very feminine game, but it won't get you what you want. Men just don't think that way, and it's disrespectful to later blame them for something they could never figure out from such indirect communication. Drop the games, and be direct. Good communication is everything in a relationship. For example, if you want oral sex, ask him to go down on you. If you're embarrassed about it, use language which makes your meaning clear: "I'd like you to kiss my bits" will do - anything that gets your meaning across. And, though you may find it difficult, if he's working on bringing you to orgasm, he'll need feedback to make sure he carries on enthusiastically. Losing your self in your bliss and not saying anything will make him wonder if you're asleep, dead or uninterested, at which point he'll most likely stop.

2 Resenting him when you don't get what you want

What, didn't you read number 1 above? If you want, say, more foreplay, then you need to say so. If he charges straight into your erogenous zones after a few minutes' kissing, then you need to educate him about what you want. Men are much more quickly aroused than women on the whole, and they simply need slowing down. One great way to do this is to make sure you get an orgasm before you have intercourse (see below). And you can always distract him with a spot of fellatio, or by licking him all over. As a woman you're likely to be more creative than he is, so maybe you can apply your creative skills to sex, and improve it for both of you!

3 Not realizing that "Women come first"!

Well, maybe not in everything, but it's not a bad rule to follow during sex. Men lose interest very rapidly after they've ejaculated: like it or not, that's how they are biologically built (in fact they are programmed to sleep after sex) and unless they're especially sensitive, once they've come, they won't be much interested in your satisfaction. The best way to deal with this is to have extended foreplay which includes him giving you oral sex or pleasuring you with his fingers until you come.....then it's his turn. This way he'll be very turned on, and enjoy a big orgasm when he does come inside you - or in any other way. (And in case you don't know, men really do like the sight, smell and taste of your vulva!)

4 Being much more critical of your body than he is

It's hard for women to believe, but it is true. In general, men are much less critical of your nobody than you are. When you start hiding it during sex, or refusing to enjoy certain sexual positions because you fear what he might think of your body, he's likely to get very disenchanted, very quickly. If you need reassurance that your body is OK, remember rule number 1: ask him for it. Say, for example, "I'm feeling a bit insecure about my tits/bottom/belly/whatever. Do you find them attractive?" or, "Do you like my body?"

5 Not being assertive during sex

It's an old, old stereotype: men lead, women follow. Well, that certainly shouldn't be true all the time in sex. Even if you like him to be masculine and dominant during sex, or even if you like to feel as if you're being "taken" sometimes, it's just as nice for him to see your assertive side. Take the lead from time to time: give him a treat - woman on top or rear entry will push all his sexual buttons and make him wonder if his birthday has come early.

6 Being critical of his performance

Nothing, but nothing, will turn a man off faster (especially if he thinks he's doing well) than being critical. If he comes too soon for you, if he doesn't give you enough pleasure, if he's too rough or he touches you too hard or soft, or whatever, the answer does NOT lie in criticism! Instead, find a way of gently expressing your feelings and tell him what would like instead. For example, "When you don't look at me when you enter me I miss the feeling of intimacy with you" or "I like it when you do that, but I'd like it even more if you slowed down, touched to the side of my clitoris, thrust harder/softer...." and so on.

7 Treating his penis as if it were your clitoris

Which means - handle it more firmly. He'll soon tell you if you do it wrong. In general, men masturbate with much more pressure than is acceptable for a woman: her clitoris is simply too sensitive. You need to do it differently for him, especially as he approaches orgasm, when he really will like a firm touch. (Having said that, he'll still enjoy feather light touches from your well-lubed hand in the early stages of your sex play - try saliva as a quick and easy lube.)

8 Refusing oral sex

Well, this may be contentious, but I'll say it anyway. Most women don't really understand how important oral sex is to men. Sure, you know men like it (how could you not!), but you may not understand how important it is. And this isn't some crude male desire to dominate you. Men love oral sex because the intimacy and trust of the act is signals your love. Taking his penis into your mouth is not just a sign of accepting his penis, but also signals to him your total acceptance of him as a man: in his mind this may be an act of the greatest possible intimacy. By the way - you don't have to let him ejaculate in your mouth, let alone swallow his semen.

By: Rod Phillips
Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist at www.sex-and-relationships.com

French Kissing – Women Love It Learn How To Do It Correctly!

It’s a fact women particularly love to be kissed and 90% of women claim their partners don’t French kiss them enough or properly. It can be oe of the biggest turn ons for either partner so do it properly and drive your partner wild with passion.

For both men and women the lips are one of the most important erogenous zones and one that many couples neglect which they shouldn’t.

The French kiss is shows your passion is romantic and a great way to start to foreplay.

It is one of the best ways for you to express your feelings for your partner, your emotions and desire.
Here we will focus on the basics French kissing technique that are guaranteed to ignite the embers of passion in both you and your partner.

The French kiss is also a lot of fun so let’s look at French kissing technique

What actually is a French kiss?

Quite simply, French kisses are kisses ones where both partners use their tongues and kissing is probably the most romantic gesture a couple can do.

There is no right or wrong way to French kiss, keep in mind is that everybody kisses differently and different people prefer different ways of kissing.

Try kissing your partner a few times and find out what they like.

While there is no right or wrong way to French kiss, here are a few tips to help you create a memorable one between you and your partner.

Basics

A clean mouth and one with fresh breath and nice teeth will make your partner want to kiss you more. So always go to the dentist regularly and make sure you brush and use mouth wash. Now let’s look at the French kiss.

Relax

You lips should be relaxed, you body should also be relaxed and not stiff, otherwise it will be like kissing a dead fish for your partner you should be relaxed subtle and ready to do it with passion

Open Lips

Open your lips just like you do when regularly breathing through your mouth.

Position yourself

Do not have your face directly opposite your partner or your noses will hit.

You want to move your head to one side so your nose is out of the way of your partners when your lips meet.

Tongue

Open your mouth and put your tongue out around an inch or two.

Your tongue will then go into your partner’s mouth and vice versa.

Circle the tip of your tongue around the tip of theirs.

If they do something different then just do the same as they do, if you are enjoying the sensation you can respond naturally to your partners French kissing and instinctively know what your partner likes.

Basic French kissing techniques are:

1. Flicking

Of the tongue over your partners

2. Exploring

The inside of the mouth with the tongue.

3. Light touching

Of tongues while exploring the inside of the mouth.

The most important point to keep in mind!

Never leave your tongue still or doing nothing.

Make sure is constantly moving showing your passion, feelings and desire while exploring and finding out
what your partner really likes and respond to them.

Head movement

Again all people are different.

Some people will move their heads slightly in a circular motion or figure eight and some times people don’t move at all.

Head movement is simply down to personal preference.

The French kiss is a wonderful experience as Robert Browning said:
“The moment eternal - just that and no more - When ecstasy's utmost we clutch at the core While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut, and lips meet!”

He’s right!

By: Sacha Tarkovsky
MORE FREE SEXUALITY INFO

On all aspects of how to get more from sex and relationships and everything to do with sexuality visit our website for a huge resource of articles, features and downloads and at www.net-planet.org/index.html

The Seven Secrets of Successful Sex

Men: The seven secrets of successful sex.

Men, if you want to satisfy any woman - every time, read on!

Sex can be long, slow and romantic, or it can be quick, urgent and intense. And it often doesn't make much difference to a man's enjoyment whether sex is over in a minute or it takes all night. Indeed, sometimes sex can seem a lot easier if it is over quickly and we don't have to make much of an effort to please our partner. The trouble is, of course, that sex like this is generally very unsatisfying for a woman, and a man who adopts this as his standard lovemaking technique isn't likely to be enjoying sex for very long before his partner departs to find someone more considerate in bed! Here, then, are some simple guidelines which will help to make sex good for both of you - and that way, give you the chance to enjoy it more often!

1 Enjoy foreplay

The big difference between men and women is in the need for foreplay. Even though many women like a quick, intense session of sex once in a while, we know that on average it takes between ten and twenty times as long for a woman to become aroused and ready for intercourse as it does for a man. And even though a woman's vagina may get wet very quickly, most women need a period of foreplay before they are emotionally ready for penetration. What this means in practice is that foreplay needs to last for at least ten - and preferably twenty - minutes if intercourse is going to be a good experience for a woman. But here's the interesting thing - the huge majority of women who enjoy foreplay for twenty minutes will have an orgasm. And since a woman's orgasm is not only satisfying for her, but adds to her partner's excitement as well, you can see it's well worth enjoying your foreplay.

So what does good foreplay involve? You might just see foreplay as a prelude to intercourse, or you might see it as an end in itself which culminates in orgasm for one or both partners - and that's a good alternative to sexual intercourse if you want safe sex, of course. But assuming that foreplay is going to lead up to intercourse, it can take several forms, including:

Kissing - appreciated by every part of the body
Petting - touching, stroking, nibbling
Massage - a variety of pressures and strokes across a women's entire body using scented oils, feathers, silk, or nothing but hands
Masturbation - solo or mutual masturbation
Oral sex - fellatio and cunnilingus

For men, it's a great idea to become an expert in the arts of gentle touching, caressing and kissing. Vary the pressure of your touch or kiss, switch between firm and gentle pressure, pause and resume - all strategies which prevent the foreplay becoming boring. But perhaps the greatest asset that a man can have during foreplay is expertise in the gentle art of pleasuring a woman orally - in other words, be an expert at cunnilingus. In survey after survey, women report that they like cunnilingus above all other forms of sexual activity. This is because it's a reliable route to orgasm for most women - much more reliable than intercourse, and in many cases it's easier than masturbation. It's also an act of real intimacy and trust - qualities which women appreciate in their partner.

There are many websites which offer advice about the best oral sex techniques: for example, the websites in the resource box below offer hints and advice on how to enjoy oral sex, as well as providing a lot of advice about sexual positions, written from the point of view of both a man and a woman.

2 Be sensitive to her needs

Being with a selfish lover is a complete turn-off for a woman. It's no use you just going through the motions - either you're committed to giving her a good time or you're not. And being selfish isn't just about making a dive for her erogenous zones and satisfying yourself after a few perfunctory minutes of foreplay - even if she lets you! To give her a good time you need to be with her emotionally as well as physically, with your attention fully focused on what you're doing. Successful sex comes from being fully present with her during the act of lovemaking - being responsive to her movements, words, and feelings. If you're pleasuring her orally, for example, watch how her body shifts slightly as she moves towards her orgasm. These small movements indicate whether she wants you to move your focus, press harder or more softly, speed up or slow down. And remember that good sex isn't generally the same for women as it is for men: when you masturbate, you probably enjoy increasing the speed and pressure of your hand movements as you get near orgasm. For her, consistency and a steady rhythm are likely to be much more important until she's really on the edge of her orgasm. Only then will a faster rhythm and a harder pressure of your fingers or tongue, depending on what you're doing, help her over the edge and into the bliss of her orgasm.

3 Let her come down from orgasm in an intimate embrace

When a woman reaches orgasm, it can be so intense that she needs a few minutes to recover and come fully back to the here and now. So after she's enjoyed her orgasm, let her rest gently in your arms if that's what she wants, feeling your love and affection before you continue with your sex. Remember the after-effects of orgasm are different for a man and a woman: most men can't get an erection again straight away, and may even lose interest in sex for a while after they have ejaculated. The whole idea of satisfying her before you take your pleasure is so that you don't just reach orgasm, ejaculate, turn over and go to sleep. The guiding principle is "she comes first!" Remember this simple idea, and you'll enjoy much better sex. After a woman's enjoyed her orgasm, it takes her body and mind much longer to lose their arousal than it does for a man. So, after good foreplay, and hopefully an orgasm, she'll still be sexually aroused, ready to enjoy penetration and intercourse with you.

4 Remember that penetration is important to her; make it special and do it elegantly

The act of penetration can be just as important to your partner as it is to you: and you might be surprised to know that her desire to be penetrated by the man she loves and trusts can be just as strong as your desire to penetrate her. Many men forget this. And it's also important to keep in mind that this is a special act for a woman - one that symbolises love, affection and intimacy. So when you get to the moment of penetration, be sensitive and respect the gift she is giving you in allowing you into her body. Exactly how you approach the moment of penetration will depend on the mood of the sex you're enjoying (and the sexual position in which you're enjoying it). Your sex may be assertive, a wonderful meeting of masculine power and feminine receptiveness, or it may be a gentle romantic connection, symbolised by loving eye-contact as you enter her vagina. In either case, be respectful and if it feels appropriate, ask her "May I enter you?" A final word of advice - if you have trouble getting your penis in, don't fumble and fool around: be straight, direct and honest - just ask her to guide you in with her hand. Women hate an incompetent lover.

5 Learn to be a good lover; don't come too soon

Premature ejaculation is a real problem for many men. And it's true that women often don't understand how out-of-control it can feel. In young men, it's often the result of being too excited and aroused - all that testosterone, and the urge to ejaculate quickly is quite natural. Greater lovemaking skill can come with age, but even so many men never bother to learn the simple techniques that could help them last longer in bed. All it requires is the decision to do so, and the will-power to carry that decision through, plus a little help from your partner. See, for example, the websites in the resource box below.

And being a good lover means a few other things too: like ensuring your body and penis are clean before you have sex - the same is true for her vulva, of course. And respecting her wishes as to whether or not you ejaculate in her mouth during oral sex. And not resting all your weight on her unless she likes to feel you resting on top of her. There are many more such things which will make your lovemaking into a wonderful, memorable experience for you both.

6 Respect her feelings

Men very often think that a woman "should" reach orgasm every time she has sex. In fact, very few women will do so - or even want to do so. The hardest thing of all for men to understand is that a woman may not even know before sex starts whether she is going to want to have an orgasm, or be able to do so in that particular session of lovemaking. Men certainly need to grasp that orgasm may not be important for a woman. Instead, the intimacy, the cuddles, the kisses, and just feeling her man inside her may be enough to give her great pleasure and satisfaction during sex. So don't get hung up on "giving" her an orgasm - it's her body, her orgasm, and you're just helping her to discover if she's going to have one that day!

And above all, don't sulk if she doesn't want sex and you do. That's about as ungracious as male behavior gets. You have a hand, so go and do something with it, or ask her if she will help you out.

7 Talk to each other

Talking about sex can be very difficult if you're not used to discussing intimate matters. But good communication is the essence of successful sex - and non-critical communication at that. Be loving at all times: if your partner isn't doing what you want, but they are trying to please you, be kind and gracious in the way you say what you want. A good model is to say something like: "It feel great when you do that, but it would be even better if you moved your hand up a bit." In this way, no one needs to feel unappreciated or criticised. And if there's something really important you need to say to your partner, talk about it afterwards when the emotional heat has died away a bit. Then be straightforward and loving; say what you want and need directly, openly and as son as you can. Leaving things unsaid in the hope that they will go away will seriously interfere with the pleasure you get from your sex life!

AUTHOR
Rod Phillips. Rod Phillips is an online psychosexual counsellor at Sex And Relationships and End Premature Ejaculation Now

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex - Part 2

Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!

26 Failing to give her pleasure if you come quickly

Remember the motto: "Women come first!" As a man, you're probably going to lose interest in sex once you've ejaculated - at least for a while. In which case, make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets her pleasure and so do you. (With the added bonus that it doesn't matter so much if you shoot quite quickly.) Just to enter her, thrust a few times, come, roll over and forget about her is the mark of a boorish lover, and you wouldn't want to be one of those, now would you?

27 Trying to force her head towards your cock

Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least. If she doesn't seem to be heading that way as things hot up, just ask her: "There's something you could do that'd give me so much pleasure....."

28 Trying to force her head further down on her cock when she's giving you oral

Yes, once again we know it feels good, but you have to be considerate about it. She's not likely to be a deep throat expert, and there's no reason why she should be, since most of the pleasure of oral sex comes from the action of her tongue on your glans. Keep your hands away from her head unless it's to gently stroke her hair, and you won't feel the temptation to encourage her to go deeper.

29 Holding her head when she goes down on you

Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that's acceptable sexual etiquette you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.

30 Coming in her mouth without asking her if it's OK

The taste of semen is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it's one that few woman ever acquire. If she doesn't like it, ask her to keep going until the last minute, then tell her when you're going to come so she can move back and finish the job with a well-lubed hand. You'll get just as much pleasure, and she won't have to gag or spit your semen out. By the way, accidentally forgetting to tell her you're going to come is not permitted.

31 Thinking that a porno movie has anything to do with real life

Porn is not good for men's egos. Real life isn't like that, OK?

32 Switching on a hard core porn film without asking whether that's OK with her

Even if you find it arousing, she's not likely to, for the simple reason that much of the porn available today is fairly abusive to women. Ask her first, and if you want to share the erotic thrill of watching people have sex, get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive.

33 Apologizing for the size of your penis

Just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not matching up to the guys in the wrong kind of movies, just remember: 98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis. If you're with one of the other two percent, you need to find a new lover.

34 Answering honestly when she asks you what your last lover was like

Guys, when a woman asks you if her butt is too big, do you tell her the truth? Enough said. Your current lover is always the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable woman around. Even if she doesn't really believe it, that's what she wants to hear.

35 Asking her if she'd mind if her girlfriend joined you

Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don't want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you're doing before you try this one.

36 Making her do all the work

Changing positions is all very well, but asking her to ride you each time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary the positions, have fun, and take equal shares of the work. Don't just settle for one favorite position and flog it to death.

37 Trying to slip it in the back door by "accident"

Anal sex is something that a lot fewer couples have tried than you'd believe from what you read on the internet or see in porn. It's something you might like to try, but you both have to want to do it. She's not likely to respond with warmth if you keep pretending you're poking her anus by accident. And she won't believe you if you tell her you just didn't want to ask for directions, even if that's how you are when you're driving around lost, looking for somewhere.

38 Photographing or videoing your lovemaking

Unfortunately, as many jilted lovers can testify, taking pictures while you enjoy sex is putting power in the hands of the person who has the pictures. A good compromise is to link your video camera direct to your TV without recording the images. That way you can have the erotic thrill of seeing yourself during sex without having to worry about seeing yourself having sex on the internet in a few years' time.

39 Getting into the same old same old routine every time you have sex

Above almost everything else (except possibly being deeply in love), ringing the changes when you make love is the thing that will keep your sex life fresh and passionate. You'll be surprised just how exciting it can be when you try a new position. This is simply because every position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, or gives you a new perspective of your partner's body, or perhaps allows you to see entering your partner's body, and so on. Exactly which sex position feels most pleasurable will depend on the shape and size and shape of your penis and her vagina.

40 Not romancing her

Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic "chase" is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you're able to continue being romantic once you're an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.

41 Slapping her buttocks without checking if she's into a little dominance play

No mater how exciting you may find the idea, don't land a heavy slap on her butt without trying a few lighter ones first and seeing how she reacts. If you do, you may get a slap in the face. Or a kick in the balls.

42 Trying to do sex by the book (or the film)

Don't copy the moves you see in porn films. They lack a certain something. Consideration for the woman, that would be.

43 Playing with her anus before she's excited enough to appreciate it

When you're masturbating her clitoris, and you have a finger inside her vagina, you may find that she responds well to a little anal play. If you have the position right, you can use your little finger to tickle gently at her anus as your forefinger plays with her G-spot. This may well add to her excitement - especially if she's on the verge of orgasm. If you try this before she's really excited and has stopped caring what's happening to her, you might just turn her off completely, so it might not be a bad idea to check it out with her in advance.

44 Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you come

An easy mistake to make, especially if you like to have sex in the man on top position lying close to your partner, and you like to let the world know when you come. Unfortunately she won't let you do it a second time, so bury your face in the pillow or something if you're prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.

45 Talking dirty without checking if she likes it

Generally a little consensual dirty talk between adults adds to the excitement. The first time your partner tells you to f*** her hot wet c*** you'll see what I mean. If that hasn't happened yet, and you'd like it to, encourage her to talk dirty to you when you're making love, and see what pops out of her mouth. You might be surprised. Remember legend has it that the quiet ones are often the most surprising in bed!

46 Lying on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms

Always remember: a gentleman takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.

47 Ejaculating on her without asking permission

Coming between her breasts or on her vulva or bottom can be incredibly exciting, but it's nice to ask her first. She may see it less a mark of your ejaculatory prowess or manhood than a mess to clear up.

48 Not controlling your ejaculation

Like we said before, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.

49 Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex

A man who gets up after he's done the business and sets about his daily routine is probably top of most women's sexual dislikes. For her, this is a special time when a woman feels very close to her partner. She takes much longer to come down from sex than a man does, she wants to know she's loved and special, and she wants to feel adored by the man to whom she has just given her most precious asset. The very least you can do is to spend a half hour or so cuddling her while you relax after making love, even if you're not going to spend the night with her.

50 Not cleaning up after sex

And since sex inevitably involves a certain amount of fluids, keep the tissues handy for afterwards. If you feel like being chivalrous, offer her a warm towel to clean herself, especially if you aren't using condoms.

There you go! And if you've got any more sexual tips for sexual success, send them to us at the email address in the box below.

AUTHOR
Rod Phillips is an online sexual counselor at Sex and Relationships. Send your sex tips to tips@sex-and-relationships.com , For more information on controlling your ejaculation, see:End Premature Ejaculation Now!.

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex - Part 1

Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!

1 Going straight for the naughty bits

You've got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes' perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you're not going to be invited back.

2 Not knowing how to kiss sensitively

Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn't mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you're trying to floss her teeth.

3 Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones

Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she's most likely to howl with pain - and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It's the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.

4 Not stroking and caressing her

A woman's second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you're doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you're giving her a sensuous massage.

5 Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child

Yes, we know it's fun for you. To her it just feels like she's got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you're doing, you'll know by her moans of pleasure.

6 Biting on her earlobe because you think it's sexy

She may not agree with you. In which case it will just be irritating for her, not a prelude to her turning into the sex goddess you thought you were summoning up.

7 Leaving a hickey on her neck like a teenage badge of honor

If you're over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you're obviously under sixteen.

8 Not shaving before sex

When you're in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her face isn't so sexy, but at least it'll produce a red rash she can remember you by.

9 Not washing your pits and bits before you have sex

If there's one thing that turns women off, it's a lover whose personal hygiene isn't up to scratch. Even though men have a higher smell threshold than women, keeping yourself clean - especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy (like under your foreskin) - is not just a matter of courtesy, it's a ticket back to the bedroom.

10 Forgetting she has a sensuous body waiting to be stroked

Pretty much the same point we already made up above, but worth remembering: touch doesn't just have to be in the bedroom, a prelude to sex. In fact, if you touch her a lot in a loving way during the day, she'll be ready to melt into your arms by bedtime.

11 Trying to get your fingers in her underwear before she's ready

This is the mark of a gauche teenage lover who wants to get to fourth base just so he feels more accomplished as a lover. Take your time, let things evolve naturally, and apply a little sensuous touch on the fabric covering her vulva before you dive under the elastic. The hint of what's to come is often more erotic than diving straight in there.

12 Dropping the condom on the floor

Must we say why this isn't the most popular move post sex? Dispose of the condom tidily in a tissue - put it in the bin rather than down the toilet, or it's likely to float there for some time to come as a reminder of your sexual encounter.

13 Going straight for the clitoris during oral sex or masturbation

Like we said above, most women just find this irritating - and, if you press too hard, bloody uncomfortable too. Your first caresses should be on her labia, the lips of her vulva, then as she gets more aroused, you can work nearer the clitoris itself. But even when she's aroused a soft touch along the sides of her clitoris may be more acceptable for her than any pressure on the head of her clitoris.

14 Breaking off just as she's getting to the point where she wants you to keep going at all costs

Women often get so lost in their sexual arousal that they forget to give feedback. In reality, the fact that she's lying there quietly may actually mean she loves what you're doing; if so, you should feel her pressing her vulva against your mouth or fingers, or shifting like she wants more touch, rather than giving you a sense that she'd rather be out shopping.

15 Undressing her clumsily

Listen up guys: you don't have to be able to take her bra off with one hand, behind her back, while kissing her. In fact, in my experience, it's better if you don't try. She probably puts it on by fastening it first and pulling it over her head anyway. Let her take off the garments you don't understand, and whenever you do lend a helping hand, undress her gently and sensuously rather than pulling at her clothes like you're ripping the paper off a birthday present.

16 Undressing yourself inelegantly - which includes taking your socks off after your underwear

Nothing is more comical (or pathetic) to a woman than a man in his socks and pants. Except possibly a naked man wearing socks. If you don't understand why, just accept that it is so.

17 Expecting her to shave for you

You might like the baby smooth look around her vulva, but she's more likely to see this as a prickly route to itchy stubble. Ask her nicely if you'd like her to go smooth. If she says "no", accept that graciously.

18 Sticking a finger up her vagina before she's ready, willing and able

In general, women do like to be penetrated just as much as men like to penetrate, which, considering how much men like to stick things up there, is just as well. However, she'll only want you to do this when the time is right - i.e. when she's aroused enough to enjoy it. If you're giving her clitoris attention, there'll be a point where she might like to have a finger or two inside her. If so, be gentle, and start with one finger on her G-spot. Make sure she enjoys this before you put another one up there. Two fingers on her G-spot is probably as much as she will want. And be just as firm with your touch as she finds pleasurable. If you don't know what the G-spot is, then do some Google-ing before you get into bed.

19 Entering her without asking her first

What is it with men and these dark, wet places? Just keep in mind that she decides how far sex goes, and if she doesn't want to enjoy intercourse then don't press the point. This applies especially to any strategy that involves nudging your penis into position and then pressing forward without her consent, verbal or otherwise! Having said that, you don't always need to ask "May I enter you?" though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do if you're looking deep into her eyes. Needless to say, that's most likely to happen in the man on top position, which, by the way, remains everyone's most popular position for sex.

20 Pecking away around her vagina with your penis if you can't find the way in

This is, by all accounts, many women's least desired sexual moment. If for any reason you can't get in, don't pretend you're in control and keep trying. Simply ask her to guide you in with her hand. That way you'll save a lot of embarrassment, not to mention time.

20 Pumping away without regard for her pleasure

When you've achieved your most desired objective, and your penis is inside her, you'll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure. She may want hard and fast thrusting, but it's best to start slow and shallow. While you're making love, she'll most appreciate your efforts if you're masculine and strong - which is to say, if you act like you know what you're doing, you're considerate and gentle at first, and work up to firm and strong thrusts if she likes them.

21 Expecting her to make love bottom up

Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her butt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. "It's incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love", rather than "I get so turned on fucking from behind") she'll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it's only on your birthday and hers.

22 Thrusting too hard

If you happen to be well-endowed, or she has a short vagina, and you thrust too hard, you may end up banging her cervix. This can make her shriek, though sadly not with sexual pleasure.

22 Coming before she's got excited or begun to enjoy sex

There aren't many men who can last long enough to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and G-spot stimulation. If you can't be bothered learning how to be a long lasting lover, then at least have the decency to keep going for a few minutes so she gets some pleasure. This isn't hard, and there are plenty of ways you can learn to extend intercourse and not come so quickly. Do some research on Google for "end premature ejaculation". See also number 26.

23 Not coming at all - or losing your erection when you put the condom on

If you're one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist? You can then deal with this problem, learn to come more quickly, and avoid giving her a numb vagina and an intimate knowledge of the exact shade of color you painted your bedroom ceiling. If you're one of the many men who lose their erection when the condom comes out of its foil wrapper and onto the head of your penis, it's back to Google for a search on, surprisingly enough, "losing erection when putting on a condom".

24 Asking her how it was for her

This is not the mark of a confident lover, so if you really want some feedback, phrase it thus: "Did you prefer it when I did X or Y?"

25 Not going down on her when she wants oral pleasure

Since oral sex on a woman is so pleasurable for most men, this seems unlikely. But if it's a question of the smell or taste being a bit much for you, try taking a shower or bath together before sex. If you just want her to fellate you and you simply can't be bothered to reciprocate with cunnilingus, then reading these tips isn't going to help you much anyway.

AUTHOR
Rod Phillips is an online sexual counselor at Sex and Relationships. Send your sex tips to tips@sex-and-relationships.com , For more information on controlling your ejaculation, see:End Premature Ejaculation Now!.