Monday, May 26, 2008

Sugasm 133

Sugasm #133

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #134? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Giving a Damn
“Something happened somewhere along the way, though. I began to care.”

Catalina loves “Better Sex Through Yoga”
“I’ve tried a lot of things, as you can imagine, but there were even a few new things in there for me!”

Reality Check: Dealing With Assholes
“Being able to decline a call is great but bills still need to be paid.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
The Secret Lives of Plants

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Greater Intimacy Through Tantric Sex

Ecstasy Through Tantric Sexual Practices

If you are looking for a way to take your sex life to the next level and are willing to put in time and effort, tantric sex practices might be the way to go.
Don't expect to jump right in and have everything be different and amazing right off the bat, but if you take the time to learn new techniques and build your knowledge and skill level, you could be opening yourself up for intense levels of sexual and spiritual ecstasy.

Tantric philosophy is an ancient practice and the belief exists that using these techniques will redirect your orgasms through the entire body, or chakra centers, that will not only bring greater senses of pleasure throughout your body, but will also create better overall health.
In an era of sexual fears, great levels of stress and deeper intimacy avoidance, tantric practices can bring the deepest levels of intimacy, connectedness and joy to a relationship.

What is Tantric Sex?
Tantra is not automatically associated with sex. It came out of India over 6,000 years ago as a rebellion against organized religion. It became a different way of viewing the world. Instead of looking at everything as polar, it looked at everything as something merging, creative…a life lived without boundaries.
Tantra means to expand, to manifest, to show. Tantric sex practices weave together the polarity of the male vs. female creating a whole. Using these practices will prolong sexual activity and will heighten the states of arousal and final pleasure.

If we consciously use our sexual energies, it can help us tap into youth and vitality. This practice can make us healthier human beings physically, spiritually and sexually. According to Christiane Northrup, M.D., the author of “Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom," “Sexual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health."

Beyond sex as a means to and end:
We currently live in a society that views sexuality as recreational; as a means to an end. Tantra views sexuality as something ongoing; as living in the moment. The average woman takes approximately 20 minutes to reach orgasm, whereas the average sexual encounter only last between 10-15 minutes. Uh oh! No wonder we are sexually frustrated!
These techniques can lead to multiple orgasms for both women AND men! I can't tell you how many readers write to me about early ejaculation or simply wanting to last longer. This will help all of my readers last longer and get so much more out of their sexual encounters. Tantra will allow you to more deeply connect with your partner.

How to get started:
Do not focus on the end result. Spend time in the moment getting to know what arouses your partner. Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! Do not spend energy trying to have an orgasm, but rather stay in the moment and focus on what feels good.
Take time NOT worrying about the big O, but instead on what creates greater sexual energy and connectedness between you and your partner. Ideally, you will spend several weeks learning these techniques and NOT even engaging in intercourse. I'm telling you: Sting himself, master of music and sexuality, attributes his incredible sex life to this ancient practice!

Set love as a priority:
I know that we all have incredibly busy lives, but unless we are willing to make each other a priority, nothing will change and we will go on unfulfilled in our relationships and our sex lives. Create time at least once a week and at a minimum of an hour that is just about the two of you.
Put some effort into it by creating a space that is conducive to romance. Whether it's with candles, dim lights, music…find a way to encapsulate a romantic setting in your home. It doesn't have to take much effort, but the effort will take you a long way.

Play around with clothing. Maybe go with something that you've never tried before. Find something that creates a sense of sexuality even if it turns out to be nothing at all! Completely naked will often do the trick just fine!

Create and practice deeper levels of intimacy:
Spend time getting to know each other on a different level. Reciprocating massages or bathing each other can be great ways to deepen levels of intimacy. Your focus is on your partner and what feels good to him or her. Think about washing your partner in warm water and how nice that would feel; how erotic it could be for the both of you.
Communicate with each other on a different level. Take time to point out the many ways you adore each other, focusing on all the wonderful things you find in each other that drew you in when you first met, along with all the amazing things you've discovered along the way. It's such an aphrodisiac when someone feels truly valued and loved.

You want to deepen your intimacy skills and that can be done in the ways suggested above, but also through playing music together or reading poetry to each other. Find what works for you through what has meaning to your partner.

The value of the breath:
We tend to take breathing for granted…which is a good thing! But it can also aid us in developing deeper intimacy. Take a moment with your partner where you face each other. Start to pay attention to your breathing.
For best results, sit facing each other looking into the other's eyes. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it will help you to better connect. Take slow breaths in and out. Start to synchronize with your partner's breathing. This helps you to focus on each other and develop a better sense of connection.

The value of erotic touch:
The biggest and first erotic zone we ever experience is our skin. As you touch and explore each other, maintain eye contact but do not worry so much about breathing at this time. We'll get back to that later.
Take time to touch and be touched. Trade back and forth giving each other a chance to fully experience the touch of the other. Listen to your partner and when it is your turn, tell him or her exactly what feels good to you. Be vocal and appreciative of what you like. Ask for more or less pressure…go slower or faster...wetter or dryer…harder or deeper or softer or not-quite-so�far. Build your communication skills along the way. Your partner is not a mind reader.

Start to build a pleasure chest full of items that turn you and your partner on and help you find that pleasurably fulfilling place in each other. Try:

The trick is not in spending a lot of money, but in finding new and different avenues for your sexual exploration and pleasure. This is the time to speak up about what matters to you and get what you want. You are the only person who can tell your partner what feels good and what you like or don't like. Get in touch with the inner you, tap into your self- esteem and SPEAK UP! You deserve to go beyond one orgasm and this article should help you get started.