Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Seven Secrets Of Successful Sex - For Men

Men: The seven secrets of successful sex.

Men, if you want to satisfy any woman - every time, read on!

Sex can be long, slow and romantic, or it can be quick, urgent and intense. And it often doesn't make much difference to a man's enjoyment whether sex is over in a minute or it takes all night. Indeed, sometimes sex can seem a lot easier if it is over quickly and we don't have to make much of an effort to please our partner. The trouble is, of course, that sex like this is generally very unsatisfying for a woman, and a man who adopts this as his standard lovemaking technique isn't likely to be enjoying sex for very long before his partner departs to find someone more considerate in bed! Here, then, are some simple guidelines which will help to make sex good for both of you - and that way, give you the chance to enjoy it more often!

1 Enjoy foreplay

The big difference between men and women is in the need for foreplay. Even though many women like a quick, intense session of sex once in a while, we know that on average it takes between ten and twenty times as long for a woman to become aroused and ready for intercourse as it does for a man. And even though a woman's vagina may get wet very quickly, most women need a period of foreplay before they are emotionally ready for penetration. What this means in practice is that foreplay needs to last for at least ten - and preferably twenty - minutes if intercourse is going to be a good experience for a woman. But here's the interesting thing - the huge majority of women who enjoy foreplay for twenty minutes will have an orgasm. And since a woman's orgasm is not only satisfying for her, but adds to her partner's excitement as well, you can see it's well worth enjoying your foreplay.

So what does good foreplay involve? You might just see foreplay as a prelude to intercourse, or you might see it as an end in itself which culminates in orgasm for one or both partners - and that's a good alternative to sexual intercourse if you want safe sex, of course. But assuming that foreplay is going to lead up to intercourse, it can take several forms, including:

Kissing - appreciated by every part of the body Petting - touching, stroking, nibbling Massage - a variety of pressures and strokes across a women's entire body using scented oils, feathers, silk, or nothing but hands Masturbation - solo or mutual masturbation Oral sex - fellatio and cunnilingus

For men, it's a great idea to become an expert in the arts of gentle touching, caressing and kissing. Vary the pressure of your touch or kiss, switch between firm and gentle pressure, pause and resume - all strategies which prevent the foreplay becoming boring. But perhaps the greatest asset that a man can have during foreplay is expertise in the gentle art of pleasuring a woman orally - in other words, be an expert at cunnilingus. In survey after survey, women report that they like cunnilingus above all other forms of sexual activity. This is because it's a reliable route to orgasm for most women - much more reliable than intercourse, and in many cases it's easier than masturbation. It's also an act of real intimacy and trust - qualities which women appreciate in their partner.

There are many websites which offer advice about the best oral sex techniques: for example, http://www.sex-and-relationships.com offers hints and advice on how to enjoy oral sex, as well as providing a lot of advice about sexual positions, written from the point of view of both a man and a woman.

2 Be sensitive to her needs

Being with a selfish lover is a complete turn-off for a woman. It's no use you just going through the motions - either you're committed to giving her a good time or you're not. And being selfish isn't just about making a dive for her erogenous zones and satisfying yourself after a few perfunctory minutes of foreplay - even if she lets you! To give her a good time you need to be with her emotionally as well as physically, with your attention fully focused on what you're doing. Successful sex comes from being fully present with her during the act of lovemaking - being responsive to her movements, words, and feelings. If you're pleasuring her orally, for example, watch how her body shifts slightly as she moves towards her orgasm. These small movements indicate whether she wants you to move your focus, press harder or more softly, speed up or slow down. And remember that good sex isn't generally the same for women as it is for men: when you masturbate, you probably enjoy increasing the speed and pressure of your hand movements as you get near orgasm. For her, consistency and a steady rhythm are likely to be much more important until she's really on the edge of her orgasm. Only then will a faster rhythm and a harder pressure of your fingers or tongue, depending on what you're doing, help her over the edge and into the bliss of her orgasm.

3 Let her come down from orgasm in an intimate embrace

When a woman reaches orgasm, it can be so intense that she needs a few minutes to recover and come fully back to the here and now. So after she's enjoyed her orgasm, let her rest gently in your arms if that's what she wants, feeling your love and affection before you continue with your sex. Remember the after-effects of orgasm are different for a man and a woman: most men can't get an erection again straight away, and may even lose interest in sex for a while after they have ejaculated. The whole idea of satisfying her before you take your pleasure is so that you don't just reach orgasm, ejaculate, turn over and go to sleep. The guiding principle is "she comes first!" Remember this simple idea, and you'll enjoy much better sex. After a woman's enjoyed her orgasm, it takes her body and mind much longer to lose their arousal than it does for a man. So, after good foreplay, and hopefully an orgasm, she'll still be sexually aroused, ready to enjoy penetration and intercourse with you.

4 Remember that penetration is important to her; make it special and do it elegantly

The act of penetration can be just as important to your partner as it is to you: and you might be surprised to know that her desire to be penetrated by the man she loves and trusts can be just as strong as your desire to penetrate her. Many men forget this. And it's also important to keep in mind that this is a special act for a woman - one that symbolises love, affection and intimacy. So when you get to the moment of penetration, be sensitive and respect the gift she is giving you in allowing you into her body. Exactly how you approach the moment of penetration will depend on the mood of the sex you're enjoying (and the sexual position in which you're enjoying it). Your sex may be assertive, a wonderful meeting of masculine power and feminine receptiveness, or it may be a gentle romantic connection, symbolised by loving eye-contact as you enter her vagina. In either case, be respectful and if it feels appropriate, ask her "May I enter you?" A final word of advice - if you have trouble getting your penis in, don't fumble and fool around: be straight, direct and honest - just ask her to guide you in with her hand. Women hate an incompetent lover.

5 Learn to be a good lover; don't come too soon

Premature ejaculation is a real problem for many men. And it's true that women often don't understand how out-of-control it can feel. In young men, it's often the result of being too excited and aroused - all that testosterone, and the urge to ejaculate quickly is quite natural. Greater lovemaking skill can come with age, but even so many men never bother to learn the simple techniques that could help them last longer in bed. All it requires is the decision to do so, and the will-power to carry that decision through, plus a little help from your partner. See, for example: http://www.end-premature-ejaculation-now.com

And being a good lover means a few other things too: like ensuring your body and penis are clean before you have sex - the same is true for her vulva, of course. And respecting her wishes as to whether or not you ejaculate in her mouth during oral sex. And not resting all your weight on her unless she likes to feel you resting on top of her. There are many more such things which will make your lovemaking into a wonderful, memorable experience for you both.

6 Respect her feelings

Men very often think that a woman "should" reach orgasm every time she has sex. In fact, very few women will do so - or even want to do so. The hardest thing of all for men to understand is that a woman may not even know before sex starts whether she is going to want to have an orgasm, or be able to do so in that particular session of lovemaking. Men certainly need to grasp that orgasm may not be important for a woman. Instead, the intimacy, the cuddles, the kisses, and just feeling her man inside her may be enough to give her great pleasure and satisfaction during sex. So don't get hung up on "giving" her an orgasm - it's her body, her orgasm, and you're just helping her to discover if she's going to have one that day!

And above all, don't sulk if she doesn't want sex and you do. That's about as ungracious as male behavior gets. You have a hand, so go and do something with it, or ask her if she will help you out.

7 Talk to each other

Talking about sex can be very difficult if you're not used to discussing intimate matters. But good communication is the essence of successful sex - and non-critical communication at that. Be loving at all times: if your partner isn't doing what you want, but they are trying to please you, be kind and gracious in the way you say what you want. A good model is to say something like: "It feel great when you do that, but it would be even better if you moved your hand up a bit." In this way, no one needs to feel unappreciated or criticised. And if there's something really important you need to say to your partner, talk about it afterwards when the emotional heat has died away a bit. Then be straightforward and loving; say what you want and need directly, openly and as son as you can. Leaving things unsaid in the hope that they will go away will seriously interfere with the pleasure you get from your sex life!

About the Author
Rod Phillips is an experienced sexual therapist and on-line counsellor at http://www.sex-and-relationships.com

Female Masturbation - Two Secrets For A Better Orgasm

Every woman who loves having an orgasm would also love a better one. Maybe you tend to use just one way or a small number of ways to achieve orgasm. Ways you know are reliable. However it is often the new experience that brings the best orgasms: so it is worth experimenting. Use your imagination and try news ideas out. They won't all work but, with luck, you'll hit gold!

In my previous article "Five Ways To A Better Orgasm For Women" I suggested thinking a bit about how you normally achieve orgasm and then went on to explain how you might adapt and change them, to improve the experience. If you haven't yet read that article I recommend you read it first so that you can use some of those methods together with the following two 'secrets'.

* Anal Stimulation - the forbidden area

Well, perhaps not so forbidden these days. However it is still common for people to feel that touching their anus is not something adults should do. If you feel put off from trying, it is worth seeing if you can get over it as touching that area can be very sexually stimulating.

If you have any qualms first wash the area well. Then start masturbating. When you are quite excited move your attention to the area between your vaginal entrance and your anus, stroking gently. Then move further to your anus and run a finger gently round the entrance. Concentrate on how it feels as you increase and decrease the pressure. Also notice how different parts around the anus vary in intensity of feeling. Initially you may be feeling a little nervous but hopefully you will soon be at ease.

As you continue it is possible you will have an orgasm without touching your clitoris or vagina anymore. More likely you will need to stimulate your clitoris (and/or possibly your vagina) at the same time to get there.

With increasing confidence, try inserting your finger a little into your anus. You are likely to find this very pleasurable. If you move your finger in and out regularly you may well find you achieve orgasm even without any other stimulation. Everyone is different so adapt as necessary for yourself.

If you do have an orgasm with your finger inserted into your anus, you will notice strong contractions that mirror those you experience in your vagina. Just as it is pleasurable to contract onto something (whether it be a real penis or a dildo/vibrator) in your vagina, inserting a butt plug or slim dildo (or a finger) into the rectum can also heighten the orgasmic experience. You will need to experiment with the size of the butt plug/dildo. Something that is as large as can comfortably inserted is usually the best.

You are on the way to bigger and better orgasms!

* Vaginal entrance - the area that gets you wanting more

It has recently been found that the clitoris is far from being just a small thing above the vagina. In fact clitoral tissue and nerves spread out around the entrance to the vagina. It is therefore not surprising that the entrance to vagina can be very sensitive.

Many women masturbate by touching just the main part of the clitoris with their fingers, others by inserting their fingers (or a dildo) into their vagina and many do both. Obviously inserting something into the vagina will also stimulate the vaginal entrance.

Whether you like clitoral or vaginal stimulation (or both) it worth exploring this area further to enhance your orgasm. Try stroking your clitoris until you are very well turned on and you can feel your clitoris has become engorged. Then move to the entrance to your vagina and firmly rub your finger(s) around the outside of the entrance, at the entrance and just inside. Make sure you are well lubricated first.

Think about the sensations you are getting and find out which parts give the most pleasure. You will probably get a strong feeling of needing to have something inside; a need for penetration. Resist this feeling for now and concentrate on just the entrance.

Maybe you will get an orgasm just doing this. If so it will probably feel a bit different from you usual one: remember it for the future! Having explored this area well, start to include it in your regular masturbation sessions. Combining vaginal entrance stimulation with clitoral and deep vaginal stimulation. It is sure to improve your orgasms!

Don't forget all my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Feel free to adapt these ideas and try out you own. The more you vary your sex the better it becomes.

About the Author
Abbie Acworth has had a long term interest in sex and sexuality and writes articles for http://www.sextingles.co.uk and other web sites.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Let's Talk about Relationships and Sex: Interview with Hitched Magazine

I had an interview with Hitched magazine (Hitched Media, Inc), http://hitchedmag.com/, a new publishing company delivering service and lifestyle information to married couples.

Py Kim Conant Author of "Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man" is anything but submissive. BY APRIL Y. PENNINGTON

Notable: Come October 28th, Py, 43, will definitely raise eyebrows, skirts and men's libidos with her decidedly un-PC book, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man (pre-orders available on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com). Culling the practices of the Japanese geisha and the Korean equivalent, kisaeng, Korea-born Py attempts to teach American women the ways of the alluring Asian Geisha. Py's tips and suggestions will surely spark some lively conversation between you and your spouse.

[1] Some may perceive the contents of your book as training women to be submissive to men. Aren't you reinforcing Asian female stereotypes? It's only submissive in that you're giving into the reality that men are visual animals with fragile egos. If you want to keep a relationship with a man, you have to give him what he wants. You have to go with the flow. Women need to only accept the stereotypes that are helpful or useful. If Asian women are perceived as nice, what's wrong with that? Men approach you easily because of the stereotype. But the notion that Asian women are submissive, passive and materialistic, we just reject that.

[2] Why is it so important for married women to place their "beauty and sexy femininity" a continuing priority in their relationship? Men don't want their women to change. They want their women to be the same as when they first got married. They want beauty, sexy femininity and a hot sexy relationship to keep the marriage invigorated. If your husband wants and desires you, that's good. If you're fat and gain weight, it's bad.

[3] Isn't it hard enough to live up to this ideal of perfection with supermodels and the genetically blessed? You say we should all be at our perfect weight yet you're largely against plastic surgery. I emphasize in my book to look classy and natural. Plastic is not a natural look. We as women want to keep the best weight, that's when you're comfortable with your weight and proud of yourself. When you gain weight you get depressed and it affects your marriage. So sex is not good because you feel big and don't want to take off the clothes and have sex anymore.

It's a lie when men say they don't care if the woman gains 50 pounds; we don't want to hear the truth. When we ask if our butt looks big, we already know that it is, we just want to hear our husbands say no! Men don't want to get in trouble by telling the truth.

[4] Why should women always credit their man for their orgasms, even when a vibrator's in play? Men want to feel great, it's ego boosting to do so. He wants to take the credit, even if you got the orgasm with the vibrator. He needs to feel masculine and regard the vibrator as a friend and not an enemy.

[5] You say women should be enthusiastically available to their man whenever he wants sex, but aren't we allowed to not feel in the mood? We're not sex machines, there's no button they can press to instantly make us ready. And there will be many times where we don't want to do it, but there's a way to talk to him. Say "I'd love to have sex with you," but then say what's holding you back, like "I have a migraine," or whatever, but be truthful. Then tell him, "Can we have sex later," or set a date in the near future. Finish by asking him if that's okay. That way it's his decision, not your decision and he doesn't feel like he's being pushed away by you. He will say "yes." Then since he waited for you, give him an extra treat like wearing a new thong panty--crotchless, silky--something that's an incredible treat and is visual.

[6] The vast majority of your book covers what women should do in attracting, pleasing and keeping a man. What are a few things men should be doing for women? A husband should appreciate what their women can do for them, instead of taking them for granted. A woman should be treated like a queen, since she's treating him like a king. Because we women need to hear it, tell her you love her and she's beautiful, all the time. Tell her she's the nicest woman in the world. You have to be sincere. You have to be totally, physically and emotionally faithful to your wife and not fucking around with other women. He has to please her sexually, enthusiastically and show her she's special. Be nice to her and always listen to your wife--making her happy is a big part. And always keep your word.

[7] Those are some good tips for men, why don't you focus on that equally? Maybe my second book will be what a man can do for a woman! But husbands should read this book too. You'll see how to make a woman ejaculate and how to be sexually involved.


About the Author
Py Kim Conant, Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man, Hunter House, October 28, 2006. Looking for relationship, dating and sex tips? Visit Py's website at www.AmericanGeishaHouse.com

Expanding Your Orgasmic Horizons

Have you noticed that you have got into a fixed pattern with the way you masturbate? Do you enjoy your orgasms but they have become a bit samey? If so it is time to explore new ways to improve the experience and find even more satisfaction.

Some women when they first discover how to orgasm think subconsciously that the method they used is the only one for them. Indeed for many women after masturbating for a long time in one particular way it initially is quite difficult for them to reach orgasm using another method. However, with the right conditions and maybe some perseverance they can find new ways of orgasming and a whole new world of pleasure opens up.

Women who have masturbated in only one way for a long time are often surprised that orgasms can feel very different if they are achieved in different ways.

Most women initially fall into two groups. Some concentrate on stimulating their clitoris and (less often) others rely on using vaginal stimulation. In actual fact maybe these two methods are not that far apart as it has recently been discovered that clitoral tissue and nerves extend all the way around the entrance to the vagina. Perhaps this is why the entrance to the vagina can be so sensitive and stimulating.

Of course there are other areas of the body that produce sexual excitement when touched. Sometimes stimulating one of these areas for the first time will produce an unexpected and intense orgasm.

I had a very unexpected experience with my partner a few years ago. He is fascinated by sex and loves to experiment. One day we were feeling sexy together outside in the garden and he began to touch my anus. Now my anus was not an area I had tried touching sexually and in fact I was not all that comfortable with the idea. However this day we were outside naked in the sun and I had the sun on my bottom. My partner began to gently run his finger around my anus and then insert it just a tiny bit. Very quickly I was getting excited and then suddenly, to my my surprise, I had a very strong orgasm!

If someone had said to me beforehand that I could get an orgasm with only my anus being touched I would not have believed them in a million years.

Of course, your response to anal touching is likely to be different and interestingly I have not had a repeat of this experience since. I do like my anus being touched during sex now and get turned on by it but when we have tried to repeat the orgasm with only anal touching it hasn't happened.

Anal stimulation is not the only one way of changing the method of stimulation. There are a host of others and I will make some suggestions in future articles including how and where to touch; how to change things with your state of mind and the use of sex toys.

Incorporating different ways of masturbating into my sex life has improved it and from time to time I have an orgasm that seems to be better than ever before. I strongly encourage all women to experiment. It is fun and it is likely you too will experience new orgasmic sensations.

About the Author
Abbie Acworth has had a long term interest in sex and sexuality and writes articles for http://www.sextingles.co.uk and other web sites.