Thursday, December 21, 2006

How to Attract Women: Seven Great Ways to Flirt with Women

Girls are more inclined to give off, and notice, body signals than guys, and are ALWAYS looking for signs from us guys, as well. Guys ask me what we men should do for body language, so this column will give you the answers.

You have to remember that whatever you say, however you gesture your hands, arms, head, and eyes, women are NOT taking your movements at face value. If she jokes with you and you lightly push her away as if to say "Stop", she's taking that simple gesture as something more: interest, dis-interest, enjoyment, annoyance?any of a million different signals. She's reading it for further suggestions as to what kind of guy you are, and what your interest in her is. Know that with body language, girls are always reading the way you move and act!

Here are my "Lucky Seven" best ways to show interest:

The confident eye gaze
The "Dale Head Drop"
Open body language
Lean in to her
Thumbs in belt
Touch her

Let's look at each in more detail:

1. The confident eye gaze

This is how you start your interest. Nothing shows confidence off the bat like meeting a girl's eyes, and KEEPING YOUR STARE. If you see her look down and smile, you know you've made it and the time to approach is now. If she looks away from you but doesn't smile, give her a shot nonetheless; just the fact that she met your eyes for a second or two shows interest.

2. The Dale Head Drop

So named after the guy who mastered the art of getting women rushing to his side, just with a simple shrug! If you really want to blow away a girl?and show some balls?meet a girl's eyes, then knowingly drop your head to the side, as if to say, "Hey, you know you want me. Come over here and get me!" I've found this to work incredibly well in foreign countries. In the States, the girls tend to be able to see through it a bit more?but it still works!

3. Smile!

It's often overlooked, but nothing communicates happiness, confidence, and interest in a girl all in one like a nice big smile. Show the girl you're in control, show her you're confident, show her you're a fun guy to be around: brighten the place up with a big smile! And if your teeth need work, then get them fixed! It's good not just for your chances of meeting a girl, but also for your health and appearance!

4. Open Body Language

So many guys walk or sit with their arms crossed, their legs close together, and their faces anxious and flat. Stop that! Welcome a girl into your world: Have your arms open and leaned back, your legs open and relaxed, your face warm and inviting. You'll not only attract yourself into a girl's world, but also into the world of people at a party, club, or bar who can help you meet a future girlfriend?or even wife!

5. Lean in to her

As you're talking to a girl, especially while seated, show her your interest with confidence by leaning in closer. You don't want to be a creep, of course, but you can generally tell by a girl's body language and talk how interested she is in you. If things are looking good, show her your control of the situation?and interest in her?by leaning in and generally getting closer to her. Leaning back does the opposite; it shows you're unconfident and not overly interested. Not what you want to communicate.

6. Thumbs in belt

Ever put your thumbs in your belt, with your hands at your hips' side? This is processed as a sign of being confident in one's sexuality and size. So if you're standing around at a bar or club and want to convey confidence, this will certainly be understood by girls!

7. Touch her!

Yup, nothing gets you closer to a girl than physical touch. Great conversations and emotional/spiritual chemistry are great, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you'll have to eventually show some balls and touch her. I'm not talking about grabbing her and making out (unless it really is going that well and she's flirting out of control!), but doing little things: brushing your arm by her shoulders, lightly massaging her, leading her by the arm to another location in the place. By making a physical connection, you're giving her a sign loud and clear that you're confident in yourself and interested in her.


James Brito, author of How to Be Irresistible to Women, regularly explores topics of female attraction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men around the world-wide build confidence and get the women they deserve. To get James' FREE six-part "How to Attract Women" audio mini-course, go to:

Rejuvenating Sex And Health Naturally

Our physical and psychological makeup is influenced by the sexual imperative far more than most of us realize or wish to admit. Entire systems of psychoanalytical therapy (e.g. Freud) are based upon the premise that we are primarily sexual creatures.

Behaviorally, there is little doubt that there are dramatic differences between the sexes. This can be seen even in the earliest of years. (This is so in spite of vigilant efforts by "rights" groups to blur distinctions and to declare sexual equality by legal fiat.) Girls with dolls and boys with trucks and guns manifest with no coaching from parents, and reflect the natural nurturing tendencies of girls versus the more aggressive and protecting inclination of boys. Physically the primary and secondary sexual characteristics are obviously different. These features, in fact, attract the opposite sex and prepare each sex for reproduction, caregiving and protection for the young.

But sex is not just about recreation or procreation. It can directly impact health. For example, the risk of breast cancer is directly linked to childbearing and nursing in women ? having children and nursing them for extended periods of time decreases the number of ovulations a woman has and thus decreases the pro-cancerous estrogen surges. Other research has demonstrated that fulfilling sexual activity in women is also linked to health.

A man's sense of strength, perception of attractiveness to women, feelings of being loved and depended upon, financial success, respect, and feeling accepted are all intricately tied to sexuality. Male sexual self-worth goes hand-in-hand with physical and mental health.

Who primarily commits violent crime in society? Is it not young men in the heyday of their testosterone surge? Sexuality and health at their peak create the potential for either great accomplishment or great harm depending upon how these energies are focused.

On the other hand, when male hormone levels start to ebb in later years, health decline parallels this downturn. Men experience loss of muscle mass, lowered energy levels, decreased immunity, increased susceptibility to a variety of degenerative diseases, decreased libido and fertility, and various degrees of impotence. Sensing this decline, men can feel hopeless, worthless and at the end of life. Such feelings further fuel the downward health spiral often resulting in an early death.

The importance of sexuality in men is evidenced by polls showing that men would sooner risk serious life-threatening side effects than forego the possibility that a new drug (e.g. Viagra?) might rejuvenate them sexually. Being sexually alive even in the very oldest of men may be as important as life itself.

Although male hormone levels decrease with age, the slope of the curve can be dramatically altered. It will not, however, be just a matter of taking a pill. Supplemental male hormones are available but their use disrupts the body's natural balances and can cause negative feedback inhibition. When this occurs, exogenous hormones (pills) send a signal to hormone-producing tissues that hormone levels are high enough. Endogenous (from the body itself) production therefore slows. Over time this can weaken hormone-producing tissues so that the initial problem of inadequate production is compounded. This is at least part of the mechanism for the adverse effects of anabolic (male hormone-like) steroids taken by athletes and bodybuilders. Young men eager to exaggerate muscularity end up with withered and weakened testicles and other endocrine glands setting them up for serious diseases as they get older.

A better alternative is to make healthy lifestyle changes (suggested in the Optimal Health Program?) combined with natural nutritional supplementation, which has been proven to provide benefit to many.

Androgenic phytonutrients from herbs (such as Tribulus terrestris, Muira puama, Avena sativa and nettle leaf), amino acids (including L-arginine) and certain foods such as melons naturally increase testosterone production without the danger of negative feedback inhibition as experienced with anabolic steroids and other hormones. Increased testosterone levels, in turn, increase libido, act as an aphrodisiac and help prevent impotence. (In fact, modern research has revealed that testosterone is the only substance capable of generating libido in both men and women.)

Recent studies suggest that these phytonutrients also affect brain chemicals such that potency and erectile capacity are improved and male reproductive system growth, function, and repair is enhanced.

Phytonutrients can also improve sexual function through inhibiting the binding of sex hormone-binding globulin to its receptor site on prostatic membranes. This provides relief to benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) sufferers who often experience painful intercourse, a certain impediment to sexuality.

Other nutrients such as zinc, vitamin B12 and vitamin C directly stimulate sperm production and motility and thus increase fertility. Modern, processed, food fraction-based dietary fare can be woefully deficient in these nutrients. Selecting good supplements and converting the diet to more natural, fresh and varied foods is the solution.

Lifestyle changes (outlined in the Optimal Health Program?) ? not the least of which is maintaining healthy body weight and regularly exercising ? when combined with proper nutrition can rejuvenate the entire body and with that send a signal to the sexual core of our biological being that we are alive and well. Such signals stimulate a natural invigoration of sexuality, and with that mental and physical health.

Dr. Wysong is a former veterinary clinician and surgeon, college instructor in human anatomy, physiology and the origin of life, inventor of numerous medical, surgical, nutritional, athletic and fitness products and devices, research director for the present company by his name and founder of the philanthropic Wysong Institute. He is author of The Creation-Evolution Controversy now in its eleventh printing, a new two volume set on philosophy for living entitled Thinking Matters: 1-Living Life... As If Thinking Matters

7 Tricks for Lasting Longer in Bed. A Crash Course in Sexual Stamina

My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices, and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many 'tricks-of-the-trade' when it comes to coming.

In this article I'll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually, can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman).

If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general.

I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner's, sexual experiences.


1. Relax and increase your body awareness

There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to 'feel' your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, meditation and breathing techniques.

Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it.

Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as "sensate focus exercises" which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex 'coach'.

2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.

Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a 'plan' robs you of any ability to be open minded.

You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look.

Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.

3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.

Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery.

Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.

4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.

There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable.

This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally.

Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.

5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.

As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to 'play' with it.

Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them.

Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people's experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.

6. Become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.

Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand.

Let the arousal continue as if it didn't need to end ever. It will of course, but you don't care when ... just let it happen.

7. Stop thinking

Drop your conscious mind out of the picture. Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up.

Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it ... but in your body. Feel it!

THE KEY is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings.

Here's a bonus tricky tip for you. It's also the most important one.

8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.

By the way, if some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it's because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops.

I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure.

Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in Phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand.
Visit to download free audio files or purchase her e-book on overcoming premature ejaculation.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Your Erection – Understand It & Control It

An obvious physical change in a man’s body part, the erection is not as simple as it may appear.

If you can understand your erection, you can control it as well.

Your erection is an important part of your personal life, so understanding what and how things happen to your penis is crucial to getting more from your sex life.

How Erection Happens – What Is the Erection?

Erection of the penis happens as the two tubular structures that run the length of the penis (called the corpora cavernosa) suddenly become engorged with venous blood.

This can be the result of any number of stimuli.

Located just below the corpora cavernosa is the corpus spongiosum.

This is a single tube containing the urethra. Here passes both men’s urine and semen during urination and ejaculation. Therefore, the erection results in swelling and enlargement of the penis enabling men’s sexual activities.

Stated simply, as the blood flows into the penis, it stiffens.

Both its girth and length increase, and the penis rises to an angle from 15 degrees to sometimes over 90 degrees.

The Stages of Erection Leading to Ejaculation

Stage1 – The Excitement Phase

This begins with vasocongestion (accumulations of blood in the pelvic area). This is dependent on sexual stimulation.

Here the diameter of the urethra doubles. The scrotum moves towards the body, and both heart rate and blood pressure increase. There is a pronounced muscular tension throughout the body.

Stage 2 – The Plateau

The penis is now hard, and has risen to an angle. It has increased in both girth and length. The testes have increased 50% of their normal size, and are closer to the body.

The heart is beating faster, and is now at about 100 to 150 beats per minute. Muscular tension throughout the body has now increased.

Stage 3 – The Orgasmic Phase

Just before the orgasmic phase begins, there is a pronounced enlargement of the penis and a further hardening condition.

This will be accompanied by a very familiar internal sensation that the orgasm is arriving. This is technically called “ejaculatory inevitability”.

It cannot be stopped (unless you can move back to Stage 2). Just after you sense this, the man will ejaculate.

It is notable that orgasm and ejaculation are not the same event, and can occur separately. There are great physiochemical changes in the man’s body causing what is known as the orgasmic reaction.

Stage 4 – The Resolution

Just after ejaculation, the man’s body starts to return to its normal un-excited state.
The penis loses about 50% of its erection at once, and in less than 5 minutes, it is its normal size.

However, it can take many hours for a man to actually return to his normal state.

This is why sleep often follows ejaculation and orgasm.

After the erection, orgasm and ejaculation, a man moves into something called the refracatory period. During this phase they usually cannot be re-stimulatied (unless this period is very very short in duration).

Understanding your erection lets you control it. For example, as you see yourself moving into stage 3, slow down, step yourself back to stage 2.

In this way you can prolong your sexual experience and more, prolong your partner’s sexual experience.

Sacha Tarkovsky. MORE FREE INFO On all aspects of how to get more from sex and relationships and eveerything to do with sexuality visit our website for a huge resource of articles, features and downloads and at

Monday, November 06, 2006

The Biggest Mistakes Women Make During Sex with Men

Compiled from a lot of emails over the years asking for help with relationship issues in general, and sex in particular, we've compiled this list of the gravest errors women can make when it comes to getting down 'n' dirty with their menfolk!

1 Behaving like he's a mind reader - or dropping "clues" about what you want

This is a very feminine game, but it won't get you what you want. Men just don't think that way, and it's disrespectful to later blame them for something they could never figure out from such indirect communication. Drop the games, and be direct. Good communication is everything in a relationship. For example, if you want oral sex, ask him to go down on you. If you're embarrassed about it, use language which makes your meaning clear: "I'd like you to kiss my bits" will do - anything that gets your meaning across. And, though you may find it difficult, if he's working on bringing you to orgasm, he'll need feedback to make sure he carries on enthusiastically. Losing your self in your bliss and not saying anything will make him wonder if you're asleep, dead or uninterested, at which point he'll most likely stop.

2 Resenting him when you don't get what you want

What, didn't you read number 1 above? If you want, say, more foreplay, then you need to say so. If he charges straight into your erogenous zones after a few minutes' kissing, then you need to educate him about what you want. Men are much more quickly aroused than women on the whole, and they simply need slowing down. One great way to do this is to make sure you get an orgasm before you have intercourse (see below). And you can always distract him with a spot of fellatio, or by licking him all over. As a woman you're likely to be more creative than he is, so maybe you can apply your creative skills to sex, and improve it for both of you!

3 Not realizing that "Women come first"!

Well, maybe not in everything, but it's not a bad rule to follow during sex. Men lose interest very rapidly after they've ejaculated: like it or not, that's how they are biologically built (in fact they are programmed to sleep after sex) and unless they're especially sensitive, once they've come, they won't be much interested in your satisfaction. The best way to deal with this is to have extended foreplay which includes him giving you oral sex or pleasuring you with his fingers until you come.....then it's his turn. This way he'll be very turned on, and enjoy a big orgasm when he does come inside you - or in any other way. (And in case you don't know, men really do like the sight, smell and taste of your vulva!)

4 Being much more critical of your body than he is

It's hard for women to believe, but it is true. In general, men are much less critical of your nobody than you are. When you start hiding it during sex, or refusing to enjoy certain sexual positions because you fear what he might think of your body, he's likely to get very disenchanted, very quickly. If you need reassurance that your body is OK, remember rule number 1: ask him for it. Say, for example, "I'm feeling a bit insecure about my tits/bottom/belly/whatever. Do you find them attractive?" or, "Do you like my body?"

5 Not being assertive during sex

It's an old, old stereotype: men lead, women follow. Well, that certainly shouldn't be true all the time in sex. Even if you like him to be masculine and dominant during sex, or even if you like to feel as if you're being "taken" sometimes, it's just as nice for him to see your assertive side. Take the lead from time to time: give him a treat - woman on top or rear entry will push all his sexual buttons and make him wonder if his birthday has come early.

6 Being critical of his performance

Nothing, but nothing, will turn a man off faster (especially if he thinks he's doing well) than being critical. If he comes too soon for you, if he doesn't give you enough pleasure, if he's too rough or he touches you too hard or soft, or whatever, the answer does NOT lie in criticism! Instead, find a way of gently expressing your feelings and tell him what would like instead. For example, "When you don't look at me when you enter me I miss the feeling of intimacy with you" or "I like it when you do that, but I'd like it even more if you slowed down, touched to the side of my clitoris, thrust harder/softer...." and so on.

7 Treating his penis as if it were your clitoris

Which means - handle it more firmly. He'll soon tell you if you do it wrong. In general, men masturbate with much more pressure than is acceptable for a woman: her clitoris is simply too sensitive. You need to do it differently for him, especially as he approaches orgasm, when he really will like a firm touch. (Having said that, he'll still enjoy feather light touches from your well-lubed hand in the early stages of your sex play - try saliva as a quick and easy lube.)

8 Refusing oral sex

Well, this may be contentious, but I'll say it anyway. Most women don't really understand how important oral sex is to men. Sure, you know men like it (how could you not!), but you may not understand how important it is. And this isn't some crude male desire to dominate you. Men love oral sex because the intimacy and trust of the act is signals your love. Taking his penis into your mouth is not just a sign of accepting his penis, but also signals to him your total acceptance of him as a man: in his mind this may be an act of the greatest possible intimacy. By the way - you don't have to let him ejaculate in your mouth, let alone swallow his semen.

By: Rod Phillips
Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist at

French Kissing – Women Love It Learn How To Do It Correctly!

It’s a fact women particularly love to be kissed and 90% of women claim their partners don’t French kiss them enough or properly. It can be oe of the biggest turn ons for either partner so do it properly and drive your partner wild with passion.

For both men and women the lips are one of the most important erogenous zones and one that many couples neglect which they shouldn’t.

The French kiss is shows your passion is romantic and a great way to start to foreplay.

It is one of the best ways for you to express your feelings for your partner, your emotions and desire.
Here we will focus on the basics French kissing technique that are guaranteed to ignite the embers of passion in both you and your partner.

The French kiss is also a lot of fun so let’s look at French kissing technique

What actually is a French kiss?

Quite simply, French kisses are kisses ones where both partners use their tongues and kissing is probably the most romantic gesture a couple can do.

There is no right or wrong way to French kiss, keep in mind is that everybody kisses differently and different people prefer different ways of kissing.

Try kissing your partner a few times and find out what they like.

While there is no right or wrong way to French kiss, here are a few tips to help you create a memorable one between you and your partner.


A clean mouth and one with fresh breath and nice teeth will make your partner want to kiss you more. So always go to the dentist regularly and make sure you brush and use mouth wash. Now let’s look at the French kiss.


You lips should be relaxed, you body should also be relaxed and not stiff, otherwise it will be like kissing a dead fish for your partner you should be relaxed subtle and ready to do it with passion

Open Lips

Open your lips just like you do when regularly breathing through your mouth.

Position yourself

Do not have your face directly opposite your partner or your noses will hit.

You want to move your head to one side so your nose is out of the way of your partners when your lips meet.


Open your mouth and put your tongue out around an inch or two.

Your tongue will then go into your partner’s mouth and vice versa.

Circle the tip of your tongue around the tip of theirs.

If they do something different then just do the same as they do, if you are enjoying the sensation you can respond naturally to your partners French kissing and instinctively know what your partner likes.

Basic French kissing techniques are:

1. Flicking

Of the tongue over your partners

2. Exploring

The inside of the mouth with the tongue.

3. Light touching

Of tongues while exploring the inside of the mouth.

The most important point to keep in mind!

Never leave your tongue still or doing nothing.

Make sure is constantly moving showing your passion, feelings and desire while exploring and finding out
what your partner really likes and respond to them.

Head movement

Again all people are different.

Some people will move their heads slightly in a circular motion or figure eight and some times people don’t move at all.

Head movement is simply down to personal preference.

The French kiss is a wonderful experience as Robert Browning said:
“The moment eternal - just that and no more - When ecstasy's utmost we clutch at the core While cheeks burn, arms open, eyes shut, and lips meet!”

He’s right!

By: Sacha Tarkovsky

On all aspects of how to get more from sex and relationships and everything to do with sexuality visit our website for a huge resource of articles, features and downloads and at

The Seven Secrets of Successful Sex

Men: The seven secrets of successful sex.

Men, if you want to satisfy any woman - every time, read on!

Sex can be long, slow and romantic, or it can be quick, urgent and intense. And it often doesn't make much difference to a man's enjoyment whether sex is over in a minute or it takes all night. Indeed, sometimes sex can seem a lot easier if it is over quickly and we don't have to make much of an effort to please our partner. The trouble is, of course, that sex like this is generally very unsatisfying for a woman, and a man who adopts this as his standard lovemaking technique isn't likely to be enjoying sex for very long before his partner departs to find someone more considerate in bed! Here, then, are some simple guidelines which will help to make sex good for both of you - and that way, give you the chance to enjoy it more often!

1 Enjoy foreplay

The big difference between men and women is in the need for foreplay. Even though many women like a quick, intense session of sex once in a while, we know that on average it takes between ten and twenty times as long for a woman to become aroused and ready for intercourse as it does for a man. And even though a woman's vagina may get wet very quickly, most women need a period of foreplay before they are emotionally ready for penetration. What this means in practice is that foreplay needs to last for at least ten - and preferably twenty - minutes if intercourse is going to be a good experience for a woman. But here's the interesting thing - the huge majority of women who enjoy foreplay for twenty minutes will have an orgasm. And since a woman's orgasm is not only satisfying for her, but adds to her partner's excitement as well, you can see it's well worth enjoying your foreplay.

So what does good foreplay involve? You might just see foreplay as a prelude to intercourse, or you might see it as an end in itself which culminates in orgasm for one or both partners - and that's a good alternative to sexual intercourse if you want safe sex, of course. But assuming that foreplay is going to lead up to intercourse, it can take several forms, including:

Kissing - appreciated by every part of the body
Petting - touching, stroking, nibbling
Massage - a variety of pressures and strokes across a women's entire body using scented oils, feathers, silk, or nothing but hands
Masturbation - solo or mutual masturbation
Oral sex - fellatio and cunnilingus

For men, it's a great idea to become an expert in the arts of gentle touching, caressing and kissing. Vary the pressure of your touch or kiss, switch between firm and gentle pressure, pause and resume - all strategies which prevent the foreplay becoming boring. But perhaps the greatest asset that a man can have during foreplay is expertise in the gentle art of pleasuring a woman orally - in other words, be an expert at cunnilingus. In survey after survey, women report that they like cunnilingus above all other forms of sexual activity. This is because it's a reliable route to orgasm for most women - much more reliable than intercourse, and in many cases it's easier than masturbation. It's also an act of real intimacy and trust - qualities which women appreciate in their partner.

There are many websites which offer advice about the best oral sex techniques: for example, the websites in the resource box below offer hints and advice on how to enjoy oral sex, as well as providing a lot of advice about sexual positions, written from the point of view of both a man and a woman.

2 Be sensitive to her needs

Being with a selfish lover is a complete turn-off for a woman. It's no use you just going through the motions - either you're committed to giving her a good time or you're not. And being selfish isn't just about making a dive for her erogenous zones and satisfying yourself after a few perfunctory minutes of foreplay - even if she lets you! To give her a good time you need to be with her emotionally as well as physically, with your attention fully focused on what you're doing. Successful sex comes from being fully present with her during the act of lovemaking - being responsive to her movements, words, and feelings. If you're pleasuring her orally, for example, watch how her body shifts slightly as she moves towards her orgasm. These small movements indicate whether she wants you to move your focus, press harder or more softly, speed up or slow down. And remember that good sex isn't generally the same for women as it is for men: when you masturbate, you probably enjoy increasing the speed and pressure of your hand movements as you get near orgasm. For her, consistency and a steady rhythm are likely to be much more important until she's really on the edge of her orgasm. Only then will a faster rhythm and a harder pressure of your fingers or tongue, depending on what you're doing, help her over the edge and into the bliss of her orgasm.

3 Let her come down from orgasm in an intimate embrace

When a woman reaches orgasm, it can be so intense that she needs a few minutes to recover and come fully back to the here and now. So after she's enjoyed her orgasm, let her rest gently in your arms if that's what she wants, feeling your love and affection before you continue with your sex. Remember the after-effects of orgasm are different for a man and a woman: most men can't get an erection again straight away, and may even lose interest in sex for a while after they have ejaculated. The whole idea of satisfying her before you take your pleasure is so that you don't just reach orgasm, ejaculate, turn over and go to sleep. The guiding principle is "she comes first!" Remember this simple idea, and you'll enjoy much better sex. After a woman's enjoyed her orgasm, it takes her body and mind much longer to lose their arousal than it does for a man. So, after good foreplay, and hopefully an orgasm, she'll still be sexually aroused, ready to enjoy penetration and intercourse with you.

4 Remember that penetration is important to her; make it special and do it elegantly

The act of penetration can be just as important to your partner as it is to you: and you might be surprised to know that her desire to be penetrated by the man she loves and trusts can be just as strong as your desire to penetrate her. Many men forget this. And it's also important to keep in mind that this is a special act for a woman - one that symbolises love, affection and intimacy. So when you get to the moment of penetration, be sensitive and respect the gift she is giving you in allowing you into her body. Exactly how you approach the moment of penetration will depend on the mood of the sex you're enjoying (and the sexual position in which you're enjoying it). Your sex may be assertive, a wonderful meeting of masculine power and feminine receptiveness, or it may be a gentle romantic connection, symbolised by loving eye-contact as you enter her vagina. In either case, be respectful and if it feels appropriate, ask her "May I enter you?" A final word of advice - if you have trouble getting your penis in, don't fumble and fool around: be straight, direct and honest - just ask her to guide you in with her hand. Women hate an incompetent lover.

5 Learn to be a good lover; don't come too soon

Premature ejaculation is a real problem for many men. And it's true that women often don't understand how out-of-control it can feel. In young men, it's often the result of being too excited and aroused - all that testosterone, and the urge to ejaculate quickly is quite natural. Greater lovemaking skill can come with age, but even so many men never bother to learn the simple techniques that could help them last longer in bed. All it requires is the decision to do so, and the will-power to carry that decision through, plus a little help from your partner. See, for example, the websites in the resource box below.

And being a good lover means a few other things too: like ensuring your body and penis are clean before you have sex - the same is true for her vulva, of course. And respecting her wishes as to whether or not you ejaculate in her mouth during oral sex. And not resting all your weight on her unless she likes to feel you resting on top of her. There are many more such things which will make your lovemaking into a wonderful, memorable experience for you both.

6 Respect her feelings

Men very often think that a woman "should" reach orgasm every time she has sex. In fact, very few women will do so - or even want to do so. The hardest thing of all for men to understand is that a woman may not even know before sex starts whether she is going to want to have an orgasm, or be able to do so in that particular session of lovemaking. Men certainly need to grasp that orgasm may not be important for a woman. Instead, the intimacy, the cuddles, the kisses, and just feeling her man inside her may be enough to give her great pleasure and satisfaction during sex. So don't get hung up on "giving" her an orgasm - it's her body, her orgasm, and you're just helping her to discover if she's going to have one that day!

And above all, don't sulk if she doesn't want sex and you do. That's about as ungracious as male behavior gets. You have a hand, so go and do something with it, or ask her if she will help you out.

7 Talk to each other

Talking about sex can be very difficult if you're not used to discussing intimate matters. But good communication is the essence of successful sex - and non-critical communication at that. Be loving at all times: if your partner isn't doing what you want, but they are trying to please you, be kind and gracious in the way you say what you want. A good model is to say something like: "It feel great when you do that, but it would be even better if you moved your hand up a bit." In this way, no one needs to feel unappreciated or criticised. And if there's something really important you need to say to your partner, talk about it afterwards when the emotional heat has died away a bit. Then be straightforward and loving; say what you want and need directly, openly and as son as you can. Leaving things unsaid in the hope that they will go away will seriously interfere with the pleasure you get from your sex life!

Rod Phillips. Rod Phillips is an online psychosexual counsellor at Sex And Relationships and End Premature Ejaculation Now

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex - Part 2

Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!

26 Failing to give her pleasure if you come quickly

Remember the motto: "Women come first!" As a man, you're probably going to lose interest in sex once you've ejaculated - at least for a while. In which case, make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets her pleasure and so do you. (With the added bonus that it doesn't matter so much if you shoot quite quickly.) Just to enter her, thrust a few times, come, roll over and forget about her is the mark of a boorish lover, and you wouldn't want to be one of those, now would you?

27 Trying to force her head towards your cock

Let's face it: she's either willing to give your oral sex or she's not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least. If she doesn't seem to be heading that way as things hot up, just ask her: "There's something you could do that'd give me so much pleasure....."

28 Trying to force her head further down on her cock when she's giving you oral

Yes, once again we know it feels good, but you have to be considerate about it. She's not likely to be a deep throat expert, and there's no reason why she should be, since most of the pleasure of oral sex comes from the action of her tongue on your glans. Keep your hands away from her head unless it's to gently stroke her hair, and you won't feel the temptation to encourage her to go deeper.

29 Holding her head when she goes down on you

Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that's acceptable sexual etiquette you've been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.

30 Coming in her mouth without asking her if it's OK

The taste of semen is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it's one that few woman ever acquire. If she doesn't like it, ask her to keep going until the last minute, then tell her when you're going to come so she can move back and finish the job with a well-lubed hand. You'll get just as much pleasure, and she won't have to gag or spit your semen out. By the way, accidentally forgetting to tell her you're going to come is not permitted.

31 Thinking that a porno movie has anything to do with real life

Porn is not good for men's egos. Real life isn't like that, OK?

32 Switching on a hard core porn film without asking whether that's OK with her

Even if you find it arousing, she's not likely to, for the simple reason that much of the porn available today is fairly abusive to women. Ask her first, and if you want to share the erotic thrill of watching people have sex, get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive.

33 Apologizing for the size of your penis

Just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not matching up to the guys in the wrong kind of movies, just remember: 98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis. If you're with one of the other two percent, you need to find a new lover.

34 Answering honestly when she asks you what your last lover was like

Guys, when a woman asks you if her butt is too big, do you tell her the truth? Enough said. Your current lover is always the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable woman around. Even if she doesn't really believe it, that's what she wants to hear.

35 Asking her if she'd mind if her girlfriend joined you

Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don't want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you're doing before you try this one.

36 Making her do all the work

Changing positions is all very well, but asking her to ride you each time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary the positions, have fun, and take equal shares of the work. Don't just settle for one favorite position and flog it to death.

37 Trying to slip it in the back door by "accident"

Anal sex is something that a lot fewer couples have tried than you'd believe from what you read on the internet or see in porn. It's something you might like to try, but you both have to want to do it. She's not likely to respond with warmth if you keep pretending you're poking her anus by accident. And she won't believe you if you tell her you just didn't want to ask for directions, even if that's how you are when you're driving around lost, looking for somewhere.

38 Photographing or videoing your lovemaking

Unfortunately, as many jilted lovers can testify, taking pictures while you enjoy sex is putting power in the hands of the person who has the pictures. A good compromise is to link your video camera direct to your TV without recording the images. That way you can have the erotic thrill of seeing yourself during sex without having to worry about seeing yourself having sex on the internet in a few years' time.

39 Getting into the same old same old routine every time you have sex

Above almost everything else (except possibly being deeply in love), ringing the changes when you make love is the thing that will keep your sex life fresh and passionate. You'll be surprised just how exciting it can be when you try a new position. This is simply because every position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, or gives you a new perspective of your partner's body, or perhaps allows you to see entering your partner's body, and so on. Exactly which sex position feels most pleasurable will depend on the shape and size and shape of your penis and her vagina.

40 Not romancing her

Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic "chase" is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you're able to continue being romantic once you're an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.

41 Slapping her buttocks without checking if she's into a little dominance play

No mater how exciting you may find the idea, don't land a heavy slap on her butt without trying a few lighter ones first and seeing how she reacts. If you do, you may get a slap in the face. Or a kick in the balls.

42 Trying to do sex by the book (or the film)

Don't copy the moves you see in porn films. They lack a certain something. Consideration for the woman, that would be.

43 Playing with her anus before she's excited enough to appreciate it

When you're masturbating her clitoris, and you have a finger inside her vagina, you may find that she responds well to a little anal play. If you have the position right, you can use your little finger to tickle gently at her anus as your forefinger plays with her G-spot. This may well add to her excitement - especially if she's on the verge of orgasm. If you try this before she's really excited and has stopped caring what's happening to her, you might just turn her off completely, so it might not be a bad idea to check it out with her in advance.

44 Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you come

An easy mistake to make, especially if you like to have sex in the man on top position lying close to your partner, and you like to let the world know when you come. Unfortunately she won't let you do it a second time, so bury your face in the pillow or something if you're prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.

45 Talking dirty without checking if she likes it

Generally a little consensual dirty talk between adults adds to the excitement. The first time your partner tells you to f*** her hot wet c*** you'll see what I mean. If that hasn't happened yet, and you'd like it to, encourage her to talk dirty to you when you're making love, and see what pops out of her mouth. You might be surprised. Remember legend has it that the quiet ones are often the most surprising in bed!

46 Lying on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms

Always remember: a gentleman takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.

47 Ejaculating on her without asking permission

Coming between her breasts or on her vulva or bottom can be incredibly exciting, but it's nice to ask her first. She may see it less a mark of your ejaculatory prowess or manhood than a mess to clear up.

48 Not controlling your ejaculation

Like we said before, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.

49 Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex

A man who gets up after he's done the business and sets about his daily routine is probably top of most women's sexual dislikes. For her, this is a special time when a woman feels very close to her partner. She takes much longer to come down from sex than a man does, she wants to know she's loved and special, and she wants to feel adored by the man to whom she has just given her most precious asset. The very least you can do is to spend a half hour or so cuddling her while you relax after making love, even if you're not going to spend the night with her.

50 Not cleaning up after sex

And since sex inevitably involves a certain amount of fluids, keep the tissues handy for afterwards. If you feel like being chivalrous, offer her a warm towel to clean herself, especially if you aren't using condoms.

There you go! And if you've got any more sexual tips for sexual success, send them to us at the email address in the box below.

Rod Phillips is an online sexual counselor at Sex and Relationships. Send your sex tips to , For more information on controlling your ejaculation, see:End Premature Ejaculation Now!.

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex - Part 1

Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here's a list of things to avoid. They're all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman - and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you've got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!

1 Going straight for the naughty bits

You've got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes' perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you're not going to be invited back.

2 Not knowing how to kiss sensitively

Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn't mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you're trying to floss her teeth.

3 Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones

Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she's most likely to howl with pain - and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It's the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.

4 Not stroking and caressing her

A woman's second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you're doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you're giving her a sensuous massage.

5 Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child

Yes, we know it's fun for you. To her it just feels like she's got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you're doing, you'll know by her moans of pleasure.

6 Biting on her earlobe because you think it's sexy

She may not agree with you. In which case it will just be irritating for her, not a prelude to her turning into the sex goddess you thought you were summoning up.

7 Leaving a hickey on her neck like a teenage badge of honor

If you're over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you're obviously under sixteen.

8 Not shaving before sex

When you're in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her face isn't so sexy, but at least it'll produce a red rash she can remember you by.

9 Not washing your pits and bits before you have sex

If there's one thing that turns women off, it's a lover whose personal hygiene isn't up to scratch. Even though men have a higher smell threshold than women, keeping yourself clean - especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy (like under your foreskin) - is not just a matter of courtesy, it's a ticket back to the bedroom.

10 Forgetting she has a sensuous body waiting to be stroked

Pretty much the same point we already made up above, but worth remembering: touch doesn't just have to be in the bedroom, a prelude to sex. In fact, if you touch her a lot in a loving way during the day, she'll be ready to melt into your arms by bedtime.

11 Trying to get your fingers in her underwear before she's ready

This is the mark of a gauche teenage lover who wants to get to fourth base just so he feels more accomplished as a lover. Take your time, let things evolve naturally, and apply a little sensuous touch on the fabric covering her vulva before you dive under the elastic. The hint of what's to come is often more erotic than diving straight in there.

12 Dropping the condom on the floor

Must we say why this isn't the most popular move post sex? Dispose of the condom tidily in a tissue - put it in the bin rather than down the toilet, or it's likely to float there for some time to come as a reminder of your sexual encounter.

13 Going straight for the clitoris during oral sex or masturbation

Like we said above, most women just find this irritating - and, if you press too hard, bloody uncomfortable too. Your first caresses should be on her labia, the lips of her vulva, then as she gets more aroused, you can work nearer the clitoris itself. But even when she's aroused a soft touch along the sides of her clitoris may be more acceptable for her than any pressure on the head of her clitoris.

14 Breaking off just as she's getting to the point where she wants you to keep going at all costs

Women often get so lost in their sexual arousal that they forget to give feedback. In reality, the fact that she's lying there quietly may actually mean she loves what you're doing; if so, you should feel her pressing her vulva against your mouth or fingers, or shifting like she wants more touch, rather than giving you a sense that she'd rather be out shopping.

15 Undressing her clumsily

Listen up guys: you don't have to be able to take her bra off with one hand, behind her back, while kissing her. In fact, in my experience, it's better if you don't try. She probably puts it on by fastening it first and pulling it over her head anyway. Let her take off the garments you don't understand, and whenever you do lend a helping hand, undress her gently and sensuously rather than pulling at her clothes like you're ripping the paper off a birthday present.

16 Undressing yourself inelegantly - which includes taking your socks off after your underwear

Nothing is more comical (or pathetic) to a woman than a man in his socks and pants. Except possibly a naked man wearing socks. If you don't understand why, just accept that it is so.

17 Expecting her to shave for you

You might like the baby smooth look around her vulva, but she's more likely to see this as a prickly route to itchy stubble. Ask her nicely if you'd like her to go smooth. If she says "no", accept that graciously.

18 Sticking a finger up her vagina before she's ready, willing and able

In general, women do like to be penetrated just as much as men like to penetrate, which, considering how much men like to stick things up there, is just as well. However, she'll only want you to do this when the time is right - i.e. when she's aroused enough to enjoy it. If you're giving her clitoris attention, there'll be a point where she might like to have a finger or two inside her. If so, be gentle, and start with one finger on her G-spot. Make sure she enjoys this before you put another one up there. Two fingers on her G-spot is probably as much as she will want. And be just as firm with your touch as she finds pleasurable. If you don't know what the G-spot is, then do some Google-ing before you get into bed.

19 Entering her without asking her first

What is it with men and these dark, wet places? Just keep in mind that she decides how far sex goes, and if she doesn't want to enjoy intercourse then don't press the point. This applies especially to any strategy that involves nudging your penis into position and then pressing forward without her consent, verbal or otherwise! Having said that, you don't always need to ask "May I enter you?" though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do if you're looking deep into her eyes. Needless to say, that's most likely to happen in the man on top position, which, by the way, remains everyone's most popular position for sex.

20 Pecking away around her vagina with your penis if you can't find the way in

This is, by all accounts, many women's least desired sexual moment. If for any reason you can't get in, don't pretend you're in control and keep trying. Simply ask her to guide you in with her hand. That way you'll save a lot of embarrassment, not to mention time.

20 Pumping away without regard for her pleasure

When you've achieved your most desired objective, and your penis is inside her, you'll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure. She may want hard and fast thrusting, but it's best to start slow and shallow. While you're making love, she'll most appreciate your efforts if you're masculine and strong - which is to say, if you act like you know what you're doing, you're considerate and gentle at first, and work up to firm and strong thrusts if she likes them.

21 Expecting her to make love bottom up

Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her butt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. "It's incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love", rather than "I get so turned on fucking from behind") she'll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it's only on your birthday and hers.

22 Thrusting too hard

If you happen to be well-endowed, or she has a short vagina, and you thrust too hard, you may end up banging her cervix. This can make her shriek, though sadly not with sexual pleasure.

22 Coming before she's got excited or begun to enjoy sex

There aren't many men who can last long enough to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and G-spot stimulation. If you can't be bothered learning how to be a long lasting lover, then at least have the decency to keep going for a few minutes so she gets some pleasure. This isn't hard, and there are plenty of ways you can learn to extend intercourse and not come so quickly. Do some research on Google for "end premature ejaculation". See also number 26.

23 Not coming at all - or losing your erection when you put the condom on

If you're one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist? You can then deal with this problem, learn to come more quickly, and avoid giving her a numb vagina and an intimate knowledge of the exact shade of color you painted your bedroom ceiling. If you're one of the many men who lose their erection when the condom comes out of its foil wrapper and onto the head of your penis, it's back to Google for a search on, surprisingly enough, "losing erection when putting on a condom".

24 Asking her how it was for her

This is not the mark of a confident lover, so if you really want some feedback, phrase it thus: "Did you prefer it when I did X or Y?"

25 Not going down on her when she wants oral pleasure

Since oral sex on a woman is so pleasurable for most men, this seems unlikely. But if it's a question of the smell or taste being a bit much for you, try taking a shower or bath together before sex. If you just want her to fellate you and you simply can't be bothered to reciprocate with cunnilingus, then reading these tips isn't going to help you much anyway.

Rod Phillips is an online sexual counselor at Sex and Relationships. Send your sex tips to , For more information on controlling your ejaculation, see:End Premature Ejaculation Now!.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

How to Enhance Your Love Life with Erotic Hypnosis

Enhancing your love life is something that every long term relationship eventually requires and it can be done with erotic hypnosis easily and quickly. Sooner or later your love life will be affected by the regular stresses of everyday life and many other factors that may make your love life seem lacking. Often we hear that our partners are too tired to make love or perhaps there is a problem in the relationship that make love making just a bit more difficult than it used to be. Erotic hypnosis can keep both of you stimulated in preparation for good sex.

For starters it helps for you to be able to incorporate playfulness in the bedroom. Using erotic hypnosis can be fun and exciting, as well as funny. It helps dissolve tension and also helps you to get closer to your mate.

Learning how to become more spontaneous when it comes to erotic hypnosis can also help you to improve your love life. The reason for this is because it lets your mate know that you still find them sexy and attractive, which is the key to a great love life. Here are some more tips to making your love life better:

1. Try to add some spice into your relationship by bringing toys to the bedroom with you. It can really make a huge difference.
2. Role playing is a great way for you to be able to make your love life a great deal better. It is also a good way to explore fantasies.
3. Explore your fantasies with your mate and be very specific in your requests. Just be sure that both you and your mate are comfortable with your ideas.
4. Be willing to talk openly with your mate about what you want in the bedroom. Use sexual talk in explicit yet stylish ways.
5. Having an open mind toward sex is a key component in keeping your love life secure. Use erotic hypnosis to keep the excitement alive.
6. Having sex in different areas other than the bedroom can spice up any relationship and add a sense of danger to it.
7. Trying new and different positions can really make a difference in your love life.

There are just so many things that you can do to make your love life better that it can be difficult to settle on any one in particular. I recommend using erotic hypnosis, as it is a really powerful way to keep the passion alive in your love life.
If you are willing to explore new territories, like erotic hypnosis, it can lead you to a more fulfilling sex life with your partner. Most of what is needed is an open mind because that is when the inhibitions are lower. A good sex life is very important to any relationship and a willingness to do whatever you can to spice things up helps as well.

By Abbas Abedi--- Get More Information At My Blog Stop Smoking Hypnosis

Elements Of A Relationship

We all know what we need and want out of a loving, healthy relationship. There may be a slight variance; however, there are some basic solid principles that stand up to create relationship guidelines. It has occurred to me, that perhaps the reason it is so difficult for people to find a long-term, meaningful and satisfying relationship is that we are asking for things that we cannot even give to ourselves. If we expect another person to follow these “guidelines” and fit into the mold of what we conceive of as a loving partner, shouldn’t we begin by having a fabulous relationship with ourselves?

Let’s look at five of the basic requirements of what should be in place for a relationship to take off and possibly lead to marriage. Honestly, respect, loyalty, physical attraction, and a fun loving enthusiastic personality. Let’s breakdown these five characteristics and see where it leads us.

Honesty: perhaps one of the most important elements of a trusting and loving relationship. If you are in a relationship with a person who does not possess a high standard of honesty, you will never be able to fully trust them. When in a relationship, we should be able to completely and unequivocally believe everything that our partner tells us. If a person lies, you mind as well be having a fake and meaningless conversation.

Are you even honest with yourself? When you’re out clothes shopping and you have acquired more than a handful of clothes, do you tell yourself that it’s alright to add the bill to your credit card and that you deserve to splurge, (despite that fact that your way over your head in debt)? Are you in out of relationships and in each instance you tell yourself that the other person was at complete fault, that you had absolutely no contributing factors for any of the breakups that you’ve endured? Do you sometimes find yourself yelling at a loved one and you tell yourself that you had every right to make them feel horrible? If any of these apply to you, you are not even honest with yourself. How can you expect the person of your next relationship to be honest to you?

Respect: a word that calls for attention. No one in their right mind would be happy if someone disrespected them. How many of you have spent a night of drinking with friends during the week, woke up the next day with a splitting headache and wanted to or did call into work sick? Did you then tell yourself that you are just fine, you do not drink too much and you have everything under control? When it’s late at night, you’re starving, and about to reach into the fridge for a snack, do you tell yourself that it’s not a big deal if you eat half that pint of ice cream, even though you are on a diet for health reasons? As you take a deep drag off of your cigarette, do you tell yourself that you’ll quit “someday” , that you’re just fine for now and cancer is something that you only need to think about in the future? If any of these apply to you then you do not have complete respect for yourself. And once again, how can you expect a person in a relationship to have show respect?

Loyalty: A key element in any relationship. If we don’t have loyalty from another person, we can not truly feel safe in the relationship. How many of you have worked for a company and declared your loyalty to that company and then gave your two-weeks-notice when a position opened up elsewhere that paid more money? How many of you have never cheated on another person? By this, cheating will be defined by kissing another, have a secret meeting for lunch or dinner, phone calls, or yes, even sex, while in a relationship with anyone. If any of these apply to you, you have not displayed loyalty. And now you are asking for it from someone else?

Physical attraction: A needed component of a healthy relationship. We have instilled in us certain needs that make us attracted or not attracted to another person. If we are in a relationship, we certainly want to feel a high attraction to the other person, which leads to a great sex life and a general feeling of compatibility. What is your perception of yourself? When you glance in a mirror, do you think about the wrinkles you see? When you’re getting dressed, do you try on ten different outfits because you feel that the first nine made you look fat? Do you grimace at the thought of parading around the beach in a bikini because you think that everyone in the world should look “model perfect”? No one can look like a model, except for models! Even then, if you knew the makeup, hair stylists and airbrushing that was involved you would understand that they do not even look like themselves in “real life”. If any of the above applies to you, you do not have a good self-image and/or you have low self-esteem. If you are not even attracted to yourself, do you think it’s fair to expect your partner in the relationship to be great looking and be attracted to you? They look at clues that you exude, ie: self-confidence and it helps gauge their opinions of your looks. Start appreciating the unique person that you are.

Lastly, a fun loving, enthusiastic personality. No one in a relationship wants to spend a large amount of time with someone who is boring, dull and unable be fun companions. Do you dread waking up in the morning because you hate your job? Alternatively, do you love your career and concentrate on it so much, leaving very little time for fun in your life? Do you run through your chores at home complaining about the never-ending mess on the floor, laundry that never seems to go away and dishes that seem to appear out of nowhere? Do you go through the food store as fast as possible, no smile on your face and a “get out of my way “expression? If you spend most of your life annoyed at things and you don’t take time out to appreciate life, how can you be a fun partner in a relationship and at the same time expect the other person to be one? Life’s is far from perfect, but to be someone’s “special” love, you need to slow the heck down and realize that having a bad outlook on life is going to get you nowhere.

Honesty, loyalty, respect, physical attraction, and a great personality: do you want these elements in a perspective relationship? If so, ask yourself a very important question. If you cannot have a good relationship with yourself, how can you expect to find one with another person?

Alisa Chagnon is webmaster and sole writer for Love Bulletin. . Strong and sound advice on dating, relationships, romance, marriage and breakups. Updated daily and weekly.

5 Secrets to Creating the Most Satisfying Relationship You Can Possibly Imagine

Copyright 2006 Don McAvinchey

One of the great and wonderful mysteries about relationships happens when I run across a couple who truly enjoys being together. I've often wondered how they did that.

When I've found such a couple, it seems that there are particular practices that they engage in that bring them the happiness and satisfaction that we all seek in a relationship. They have a secret, and I personally wanted to find out what it was!

So I set about compiling what those clients and friends who have great relationships do to keep their connection good, loving and satisfying. This article, and these 5 Steps, is what I've discovered.

If you're in a relationship, and you'd like to make it be even a better one than you're experiencing now, I recommend that you focus on these steps over the next few months, and see what happens. Hey, if you don't change something in how you're approaching your relationship, how will it ever change?

Give these 5 steps a chance, and I guarantee you things will be better!

1.Take on the challenge to just be you in connecting with the other person.

a. Practice developing the courage and skills needed to be you, and at the same time go for connection. That's the Big Paradox!

b. Exercise the difference between compromising your desires, and compromising the form you select together for achieving them. Once you get this one, it'll all be easier.

c. Who am I in this relationship? One way to find out is to examine what you're getting from your partner and see how much of what you're receiving is a reflection of and caring, or frustration and distance? Now, what are you giving to your partner in your actions? Love and caring, or frustration and distance? Can't have it both ways, so why not change you so the "between space" will naturally change?

2. Women and men are different.

a. Duh.

b. But do you accept it, really, with love and compassion? That's the rub. If you find yourself frustrated over how he or she doesn't think/act/feel like you want them to, maybe you're trying to get them to change to be like you. Good luck on that one.

c. Celebrating La Difference! might be a better and more effective path to take. Here's a question then: What is it about your partner that you find precious and delightful? Find that first, and then you'll begin to celebrate that men and women are different.

3. Whatever you think about your current relationship is wrong.

a. Your story about your partner is just that, a story. It's made up by you, not them. How do you like your story about your partner?

b. Is it possible to "know" the other person, underneath your story about them? Yes. But you may have to work at letting go of your story, and discover the person instead. Can you do this? Certainly. Will you? Ah, that's the real question, isn't it?

c. What is the one "truth" you're holding onto about your partner or relationship that is getting in your way? Find it, and release it.

4. Your story about relationship shapes connection in your life.

a. What are the themes that you see repeating in relationships in your life? Looking for repetitive themes produces wisdom about relationship. Are you brave enough to look at yourself and discover what you continually create?

b. Can these repetitive themes be changed? Of course. They're just habits of thinking and feeling. The easiest way is to replace them with a more preferred habit. So what would you prefer about relationship? Now go be the change.

c. Begin to write a new preferred story about relationship in your life. Take steps to act more lovingly, more caringly, and more honestly. Show your affection. Insist on being a leader in your relationship in being compassionate.

5. Fall in love with your partner, rather than continuing to be in love with the story you're holding onto about your partner.

a. What are your expectations of your partner that aren't being fulfilled?

b. Would you be willing to let go of them, at least a little bit, to explore who your partner really is? (Don't promise lightly, this is another big challenge!)

c. Open your heart to your partner, and to yourself. This will require a big leap on your part, if your story about your partner is a negative one. Loving yourself enough to be willing to both change your own behavior, as well as to insist on a more loving foundation for your relationship, can bring tons of fulfillment. But you have to take the first step to get to know who your partner really is. Will you take this courageous step?

To enhance your relationship, take these steps and put them into action one at a time over the next few weeks. By following these steps, you can become a successful couple who has great happiness and satisfaction in your relationship.

Spiritual Coach Don McAvinchey helps people learn to put their lives first at The Month of Miracles Community. To sign up for more free tips like these and claim your FREE e-course gift, Getting Unstuck and Back on Track, visit his site at

Monday, October 09, 2006

Is it OK to fake an Orgasm?

Is there something wrong with a woman that has not experienced an orgasm?

These are a couple of questions that I have been getting asked more and more, so I thought why not address them through my articles? As much as I have written this for my ladies, men you can benefit from reading this little bit of info also!

There is nothing physically wrong with women that have not experienced the big O! They simply just have not learned how. It is very much a mental exercise as well as physical. Way back when..., we were taught that it was a bad thing to touch ourselves (masturbate). That was a big wrong turn for a lot of women. I have read a lot of letters from women that tell me that they were in their late 20`s before they ever experienced an orgasm, one that they would consider an orgasm anyway. This is why I express over and over, ladies learn about YOUR BODY! Orgasms are very connected to ones mind when dealing with the female. If you are worried or tired or feeling a bit at odds with your partner, that door is definitely going to be locked, even nailed shut. It will take some work and patience to find the key to open up that mind trap.

Too many women spend way too much time worrying about orgasms. Worry only puts up the walls that will totally disable your mind to relax and float. Think of watching and waiting for water to boil. By the time it has boiled you have lost interest. Or when you are trying to call someone and the line is forever busy, that just frustrates you to no end. If you would have just carried on with something else at the time, the water would have boiled before you knew it, the phone line would be cleared, and you would be frustration free! Orgasms work in very much the same way. Do not think about them. Do prepare for them, feel your body call them, desire them, fantasize, open your mind up to a total zone of passion. Pure thoughtless passion!

Some women feel that if they do not orgasm, their partner will feel that they have failed them, or vice verse. (GUILT) There is absolutely no room for guilt or shyness in the arena of sex! This is one of the reasons women FAKE the O! It does not do any real physical harm to fake most things in life. The only one that is losing out though, is you. You are fooling no one but yourself. Then you end up feeling even worse because you pretended at a time when you should be open and real.

There is also the time thing. Women are in need of more stimulation and time to relax and be able to find their zone. Men tend to think that five minutes is just ladies this is where communication comes into play. You must tell your man that NO, I am not there yet. I know this sounds bossy, but most men hardly ever have a problem telling the women what to do in bed and when to not stop. Also ladies please tell your man to do like the yellow pages commercial, "Let your fingers do the walking". Women like and need the finger play. Also ladies if your man is just down there asap...tell him to slow down. This can also throw women off when they are feeling rushed.

When you are close to your partner and feel that sex is in the air, enjoy even just the kiss at first. I mean really enjoy just the kiss. Allow your body to warm up and get your juices flowing. Or really feel his touches, and listen to your partners voice when he says your name. If he never says your name, tell him too. He will oblige immediately. Tell him you want to hear him admire your body. A women on the norm has a hard time verbalizing what she likes. This is just because we were raised to be nice girls. Well, TALK! You will be surprised at how much more relaxed you become and excited once you can talk to your partner about touching where and how. Tell your partner to join you in that little game. A women's body will react very nicely if you just allow the feelings of a kiss to penetrate you.

Another turn on for you ladies is to touch yourself while your partner watches. Yes, you will love it once you allow him into your world. He will not say no to that request. To see or hear how excited he gets watching you enjoying your body is another very big turn on for you. This is also a very good way to keep your mind away from the, "will I or won`t I" question. Think of anything but the ultimate O!

G-spot orgasms are pretty easy to reach. We can get there as easy as men have the ability to get hard. To get there just tell your man to do the, "walking". Or take his hand and guide him down to where your body is wanting his touch. G-Spot orgasms feel nice and they are basically our juice fountain, that is when we get very wet. This is when your body prepares for penetration.

It is the clitoral Orgasm that most women are after. Those ones will shake your ground. But again, these are mind connected. I will say I am speaking for the norm of women. Every women is different to a degree, but we are basically after the same thing. We all want to feel that intense vibration and the total body rush that runs through our body. It is an adrenaline rush like no other. To know we have that kind of control in our minds and bodies also boosts our self-esteem! That my Ladies is a very good thing!

Some women are sensitive enough that they will react instantly to a touch. That is not always that good. Her orgasm at that point will be quick and over before she even gets to really appreciate it. The longer it takes to reach that ,"O" Zone, the more intense the orgasm. That is another reason you want to learn to control your body. Eventually you will be able to tell your mind when and where!

A very, very good way to learn about your body is to bring yourself to orgasm. I tell women that all the time. You need to know and be able to connect with your own mind before you can allow someone to do it for you. Once you can learn to control your minds ability to fantasize or totally zone out, your body will follow naturally. Ladies again, it is so important to learn this because it keeps your mind off whether or not the O is going to happen. Once you have learned about your body, you will be able to bring that O on yourself just with your mind. A little hand stimulation is also your minds best friend here. You will know how much stimulation you will need at the time. You will eventually know your entire body`s secret passages to feeling. Yes! Very yummy. So my words here, are to get to know your secrets.. and HAVE FUN!

Remember Ladies, men are not born with your road map to orgasm. First you need to draw it for him. Then show it to him. From there it is totally the big," O" every time. This is my recipe to the one thing that women can do over and over again, without a rest period. Ha!! Sorry guys, we were born that way.


Laughter and Orgasms are Great Bedfellows

John Callahan


When modern woman discovered the orgasm, it was combined with modern birth control, perhaps the biggest single nail in the coffin of male dominance.

Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website- Forum-

Female Orgasm Training Can Be A Factor

One of the most interesting phenomenons I've witnessed in dealing with human sexuality is the ability of people to train themselves into having an orgasm. Any one who has ever masturbated has engaged in a self-training program which has taught them how to orgasm. Before we talk about female training, I'll give you an example from male sexuality.

I worked with a male once who was a regular masturbator. During masturbation, he fantasized about having his partner bent over the edge of a couch and engaging in rear penetration, not anal sex. For months he used this same fantasy to help him reach orgasm during masturbation. This affected his sex life. When he was having sex with his partner, he found that he was losing his erection and finding it difficult to climax in any other position.

The only way he was able to reach orgasm during actual sex was by imitating what he had been doing in his masturbation fantasies. Essentially, he had trained himself about how to get off.

Men are not the only ones who train themselves. In fact, the training men do usually does not interfere with their ability to reach an orgasm during actual intercourse. With women, it's different.

Women train themselves in two ways. First, they train themselves to reach orgasm using specific techniques. Second, they train themselves for each orgasm using certain fantasies. Let's talk about both of these.

When women begin masturbating, they do tend to try multiple ways of accomplishing the goal. Once they find something that works then they stick to it. Let me give you an example. One woman I worked with had been masturbating with a vibrator for about ten years. She had to use the same vibrator every time because she claimed no other vibrator could bring her to orgasm. With sexual partners, she would fake orgasm then excuse herself to the bathroom where she would reach a real orgasm using her vibrator. After a decade of relying on the same toy and the same technique to reach orgasm, this young woman had taught her body how to have an orgasm. Since her partner's penis was not her vibrator, it was not capable of doing the job.

To his credit, he did try a variety of things to help her but the problem really wasn't his alone to fix. She had to re-train her body.
The second method of training often begins even before a woman ever masturbates. As soon as girls begin fantasizing about men, they are beginning to train their bodies about how to reach orgasm. I have another example to share which illustrates this fact as well. A woman I worked with had been relying on the same fantasies during masturbation for almost two decades. Her preference were rape fantasies in which she was the victim and was non-violently coerced into having intercourse with multiple partners. The fantasies involved different scenarios, locations, and men but the basics were all the same.

Even when she tried to have other fantasies, they would always end up deteriorating into a rape fantasy before she was able to orgasm. The only time she was able to reach an orgasm with her husband was when they attempted to act out her fantasy. Like the other woman, she had to re-train her mind about what turned her on and what would lead her to an orgasm.

The reason I'm sharing these stories with you is because orgasm training is one of the biggest, yet most often unrecognized, reasons for women's difficulties in reaching an orgasm.

The only way to break free of that old training is through experimentation. The more the two of you try different things the more likely she is to find something else that can help her climax.

Keep in mind that there are a number of reasons why women may have more difficulty reaching an orgasm than men will. Those reasons include social pressures not to enjoy sex, a lack of trust in the relationship, anatomical differences between men and women, and limited orgasm training.

Understanding what may be hampering your sexual relationship will help you determine the best course of action to take in order to enjoy mutually satisfying sex.

Gabrielle Moore created the program located at to help men please women every time.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Myths About The Female Orgasm

Author: Vincent Madisson
Visit author's website

Let me share with you two of the most common myths about the female orgasm

Myth 1: Women can reach orgasm more easily if her partner has a large penis.

Men who have worried for eons about the size of their penis can relax. The truth is that size really doesn't matter all that much. Since only the first two inches of a woman's vagina are sensitive to stimulation, anything over that amount is kind of useful during intercourse, at least from the woman's physical perspective. In fact, when men are overly concerned with the size of their penis and whether it's sufficient, their minds aren't focused on pleasuring their partner and that is no way to experience female orgasm. A survey done by the Kinsey Institute found that the average size of an erect penis measured from the tip to where it connects with the rest of the body is 6.16 inches (15.65 centimeters) in length. The girth of an erect penis is 4.84 inches (12.29 centimeters) on average. Both of these statistics are come as a surprise to men and to women who have been convinced by our culture (and possibly pornographic movies and magazines) that the average size of an erect penis is eight or nine inches. That same Kinsey study actually found that less than 2% of men have penises which meet that requirement.

Remember whether a man's penis size is below, above, or just average, he still has the ability to help his partner reach orgasm and that is far more worthy of praise than a few extra inches of penis.

Myth 2: If a woman does not have an orgasm, she did not enjoy the sex.

Most women have had the experience of being asked by their partner during sex if they are going to "get off." This myth is the reason for that question. The majority of men believe that sex without an orgasm is not pleasurable for a woman, but that's not true. First of all, even though orgasms are a wonderful part of the sexual experience, there is more involved than that. For couples, sex is generally a physical expression of love and closeness. Many women report enjoying this part of the experience immensely even when it is not followed by an orgasm. Second, just because there's no climax that doesn't mean the rest of the experience didn't feel good. An orgasm is an intense pleasurable feeling but it is not the sole source of sexual pleasure for a woman. Just as men enjoy the actual act of intercourse, so do women. Third, when men ask about whether or not a woman is going to climax, he is putting pressure on her to deliver and this generally leads to faking orgasms which actually detracts from her experience and could detract from his as well if he discovers the truth. Furthermore, when a partner is truly in tune with a woman's body, they don't have to ask that question: the signs of a building orgasm are unmistakable and cannot be faked.

Monday, September 25, 2006

How to Easily Reach the G-Spot

By: Harry Lloyd

The G-spot, or Grafenberg spot, is certainly the most popular topic, with the penis size, on websites discussing sex issues, male and female health. This spot was named after Ernst Granfeberg, the famous German gynecologist who first described it in 1950, in his paper The Role of Urethra in Female Orgasm. Grafenberg was a German born doctor (Adelebsen 1881 – New York 1957), of Jewish confession. Arrested by the Nazis in 1937, he escaped in 1940 with the help of friends of the International Society of Sexology, and emigrated to California.

Before trying to reach this spot, we must know where it is located. The g-spot is something like a female prostate located between the pubic bone and the cervix on the top side of vagina. The g-spot is a part of the urethral sponge, a tissue playing a great role during arousal : if correctly stimulated, this area can be very pleasurable, and lead to orgasm during sexual intercourse. Note that other women could also feel the urge to urinate when this spot is stimulated.

Indeed, this urethral tissue or sponge is like a cushion against the pubic bone and the vagina wall, surrounding the urethra. Mainly made of erectile tissue, filled with blood during arousal, it has a compressing effect on the urethra, preventing urination during sex. This tissue also contains the Skene’s glands, able to produce the famous female ejaculation (usually a fluid of clear color) men are so curious about. Other scientists think the g-spot is not really a physical spot, but more probably the clitoris deepest nerves passing through the urethral tissue and connecting with the spinal column.

An important point is that the fluid produced by the Skene’s glands during orgasm passes through urethra (as urine does) but must not be considered as urine or as an effect of urinary incontinence. This clear colored fluid is similar to what is produced by the prostate and that is why we can speak about female ejaculation.

The structure of this important tissue also varies during time and after the age of 30, occurring changes make the g-spot easier to reach. This is why women after 30 will be more than probably experiencing the best of their sexual life and pleasures.

But how can men reach this so mysterious spot ? In fact, 3 methods can be applied in order to reach this spot. These methods can be found in sex advices guides on the web.
1.For men having an upward curved penis, the missionary position is the best, because that kind of penis will exert greater pressure on the front wall of the vagina.
2.For men having a downward curved penis, or an uncurved penis, doggy style position is probably more suitable because of the pressure exerted against the front wall by the downward curved penis.
3.With the fingers or the tongue : you must push down on the clitoris and arce the tongue or fingers upwards. Note that fingers or tongue must be at least 1 – 3 inches inside the vagina…since the exact distance greatly varies from a person to another... Good luck.

Science has now answered lots of questions concerning this mysterious female area, but female orgasm is and remains a complex phenomenon wherein g-spot plays an important role.

Harry Lloyd writes articles for Top Sex Guides , a site providing male sexuality advices.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Female Orgasm During Sexual Intercourse

One of the most common myths about the female orgasm is that women should only reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse.

This is definitely not true but it's a myth that has caused us to take women's sexual needs for granted for a long time. This myth actually started with Sigmund Freud, the developer of psychoanalysis, who had recognized that women could easily reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Freud dismissed this type of stimulation as juvenile and believed it was important for women to become more sexually mature by focusing only on vaginal stimulation to reach orgasms.

The problem is that the vagina was not designed for orgasms (other than the g-spot). It does not have the concentrated nerve endings that one finds in the clitoris or in the head of a penis, for example.

As a result of Freud's determination, women who could not reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse were considered to have some type of psychological impairment. All sorts of methods were devised in an attempt to “liberate” women from their reliance on the clitoris for sexual pleasure.

Only in recent decades has society begun talking openly about the women's right to enjoy sex and to reach orgasm in whatever manner worked for her.

Another common myth about the female orgasm is that only women fake orgasms.

Even though this book is about female orgasms, I think its important for both men and women to realize that orgasms are not going to happen during every sexual encounter. About one-fifth of men admitted that they have faked an orgasm with a partner. Their reasons for faking are the same as women's: they don't want their partners to be disappointed.

Orgasms don't always come easily in a partnership. Sure, when we masturbate we can probably get off every time because we know our bodies and we know what works. Our sexual partners have to learn these things over time and, most importantly, with our help.

Again, faking orgasms is not the answer for either sex. It just complicates the issue and prevents both partners from having a truly fulfilling sexual encounter.

Gabrielle Moore is the founder and initiator of She helps men give women a great orgasm every time.

Monday, September 18, 2006

How to Kiss a Woman So She Aches for You

by J. E. Barron

Passionate kisses are love magnets that linger in a woman’s mind. If you want to master the art of kissing a woman, it is vital that you learn how to kiss passionately without making her think it’s just your cue to get her into bed.

Your BEST course of action is to allow your kisses to linger on her mind - a sort of effective reverse psychology that women are powerless against. You can turn the tables and have her begging for more if you first establish a great kissing technique that DOES NOT always lead to the bedroom. Otherwise, she’ll immediately put up her defenses and leave you wondering what went wrong.

Follow these tips - keep your kisses really exciting by being spontaneous and by varying their intensity and duration. Also, be sure not to engage in a marathon kissing session. Initially, you want to pique her desire, not quench it altogether. This technique greatly sparks a woman’s desire and anticipation for you.

Now that you have the game plan down, try some of these techniques for passionately kissing a woman:

·Make some noise! Say something romantic while you’re kissing, whisper or express your pleasure without words by smiling and sighing heavily.

·Place your hands on either side of a woman’s face so that you do not cover her ears and your fingertips reach the back of her neck. Then, slowly pull her toward your lips while softly holding the sides of her head. Gaze into her eyes before planting one on her. Sigh "mmmm" during your kiss while holding her head.

·Place your fingertips lightly over her lips and move toward her ear. Take her ear lobe between your lips and nibble on it while breathing slowly, deeply and deliberately into her ear. Move down to her neck while still covering her lips with your fingertips and then slowly advance toward her lips while breathing onto her skin. When you reach her lips, move your fingertips to the back of her neck and pull her toward you.

·Approach your woman from behind. Place your hands on both of her shoulders, drag her hair across her neck to expose her skin, and kiss the back of her neck while running just your fingertips up and down both of her arms, across her collar bone and over her shoulders. Continue kissing her neck as you move around to face her, then slowly move up toward her lips. Hint: The back of a woman's neck is a sensitive erogenous zone that many men ignore. Pay attention to it and you'll be her super love hero!

·Reach for her hand and raise it to your lips while gazing into her eyes. Softly guide her fingertips back and forth across your mouth. Slightly open your lips and tickle her fingertips with the tip of your tongue. Demonstrate your enjoyment by smiling. Nibble the tips of her fingers. Then place the palm of her hand against your cheek, holding it in place while you move toward her lips for a kiss.

After your kiss – you MUST seal the deal by ending the session and walking away. Yes, walking away! This may sound outrageous, but it WORKS. When you kiss a woman passionately, making her tingle from head to toe, and then smile at her and walk away, you leave her aching for you. She’ll spend the entire day thinking about your next kiss, and this is the powerful position you want to attain.

J. E. Barron is a relationship expert and editor of, the online romance site featuring unique and creative tips and ideas designed to enhance your love life and immediately create the relationship of your dreams. Visit for more great tips on enhancing your intimate relationship.