Tuesday, September 05, 2006

5 Sexual Myths Destructive to Your Relationship

by Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.

In this era where sex seems to be on the mind of everyone and talked about more openly than ever before, it is surprising that there continues to be a lot of misinformation and misconceptions. These myths perpetuate unhealthy patterns of relating, expectations and satisfaction and have the potential to destroy a relationship.

Don’t allow your relationship to be prey to the following myths:

1. A Good Relationship Shouldn’t Have Any Sex Problems
All couples will probably experience some sexual problems at some point. This does not mean your relationship is over or not a good one. If the problems are not addressed and worked out, then your relationship could be in jeopardy, but the mere existence of problems is not a sign of failure, it’s a normal part of relationships. Your partner’s sexual needs may change over time. Stress and major life changes are an inevitable part of everyone’s life. These kinds of issues can cause change in levels of desire, satisfaction etc. and will require periods of adjustment.

2. Size Matters
This simply is not true. In an attempt to make money, the media continues to keep this destructive myth alive, making men feel inadequate and self-conscious. They set up expectations that are impossible for a man to live up to and make them falsely believe that this is what a woman wants. This is absurd. You do not need a big penis to be an incredible lover and satisfy your woman. Only the first third of a woman’s vagina has nerve endings for feeling, the other two thirds has no feeling, so even a small penis is quite capable of stimulating the first third. What are most important to a woman is what kind of lover you are, what kind of person you are, how you feel about her and how you treat her. Making your woman feel loved, special, cherished, appreciated and desired will make sex great for her.

3. A Woman Should Orgasm with Intercourse Alone
The majority of women cannot orgasm with intercourse alone, regardless of how big the penis is, because it does not provide sufficient stimulation to the clitoris. Many couples struggle needlessly, believing that one of them is doing something wrong if they are not able to achieve this. Using positions that stimulate the clitoris during intercourse may work for some, such as the woman on top or the riding high missionary. You can also stimulate the clitoris with a finger or a vibrator during intercourse or give your woman her satisfaction by pleasuring her orally or manually.

4. My Partner Should Know How to Pleasure Me Without My Telling Them
Your partner is not a mind reader. Lack of communication is one of the biggest factors in sexual dissatisfaction. Yes, most people know the basics, but everyone has unique sexual needs that only they are aware of. You must teach your partner what it is that you need. Don’t be shy! Be specific and detailed.

5. It Shouldn’t Take Work to Keep Passion Alive
Yes, we would all love to live in the land of fairy tales, but unfortunately it just does not exist! Once again the media is largely responsible for promoting an ideal that just isn’t realistic. Relationships go through cycles and levels of passion will vacillate. In the early stages of love passion is a blazing inferno that can’t be put out and doesn’t require any work, but as the relationship progresses, passion will not stay alive without effort. You must nurture your relationship to keep passion alive.



Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex advisor/educator and author helping monogamous couples increase intimacy, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, Smoldering Embers-Hot Erotic Stories and Sex Tips to Light a Couple’s Fire. Subscribe to her FREE Monthly Ezine, Smoldering Embers, and get hot sex tips, techniques and secrets guaranteed to keep the Sizzle in your love life. http://www.smolderingembers.com/